Ah, Regret.

CakeSpy: Lump-Tested, Unicorn-Approved

S0 I was wandering through the streets of Capitol Hill one recent Saturday afternoon, trying to choose from one of the 18 coffee shops in my direct line of vision (a wannabe coffee snob: possibly the only thing worse than a real one), when a splash of bright pink in a store window caught my eye:

Fig. 1: Spotted.

Surly meets sweet.


Update: BGICT = TITC (Trapped in the Closet)?
Mon, 29 June 2009, 2:40 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , , , , ,


So here’s a somewhat disappointing follow-up to my previous post.  It would seem that the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck (BGICT)–the news of which whipped up a coneful of internet frenzy (with rainbow sprinkles on top) and inspired my new Big Gay Career Plan (BGCP)–is more elusive than a unicorn.  And I don’t mean a unicorn in this blog (where you can see one in every paragraph if you look hard enough)–I mean a unicorn in the wild.

The Big Gay Saga (BGS) continues.

Whose Blog is it Anyway?
Fri, 19 September 2008, 12:33 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , ,

As many of you are certainly aware (since you’re the ones doing it!), I have recently been subject to a barrage of gchats/blog comments/texts/emails/phone calls/faxes demanding that I 1) post more; 2) post about [insert subject here]; 3) post more about [insert reader’s name here].  

OK first of all, do you people have any idea how long some of these posts take to write (especially while ostensibly doing “work” for my actual job [or at least appearing to be doing so])?  Also I might add that it is somewhat tricky/time-consuming to covertly edit photos of Lindsay Lohan on MS Paint (with a computer screen that is potentially visible to passers-by).  But you know what, every day I make the ultimate sacrifice and I do it, and you don’t hear me complaining.  (Just kidding!  You sure do.  But Wix said I should feel free to post complaints in this thing, so you have her to thank.)

Anyways, aside from feeling the need to lecture you guys, I also had another feeling today: inspiration.  That’s right, you complainy readers have inspired me.  Clearly when it comes to my blog, you have (*sniffle*) a lot of feelings, so I want YOU to get involved.

Have you ever seen Whose Line is it Anyway? (the American version or its superior British predecessor)?  Perhaps you’re familiar with the concept of “audience suggestions”.  For some of the games, the host would ask the audience to shout out ideas, or he would select from a hat full of slips of paper with ideas written by audience members beforehand.  It was fun and exciting because the performers were forced to work with hilariously random and/or over-the-top subject matter.

Well, now it’s your turn.  Hit me!  Fire off some audience suggestions in comment form, and I’ll pick one and write a post on it.  You can be as vague (“music”) or specific (“Alex’s crush on then-11-year-old Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap“) as you please.  List as many ideas as you want.  Fill me with regret for writing this post.

You’re shaking your head in dismay.  “So now she’s too damn lazy to come up with her own ideas,” you’re saying.  Well, guess what my friend?  You are CORRECT.  Surly lumps have very limited stores of energy, and they are easily depleted by strenuous thought.  So please, do the thinking for me, or else I won’t have enough energy to make it to happy hour this evening.  Thanks in advance.

Monday, motherfuckers!
Mon, 8 September 2008, 3:16 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: ,

Honestly you guys, I like Mondays a lot better when they’re day-off-from-work national holidays.  And if they can’t be that, then they should at least be less busy, because I need more time between 9 AM and 5 PM to focus on blogging.  

Although if I obey the commands of a certain sassy Asian (“Val, keep blogging!  I don’t care if it interferes with your job.”) then perhaps I’ll lose said pesky job and free up my entire schedule for this far more entertaining–yet far less lucrative–pursuit.  YAY!!!!

I’ll work on that.  In the mean time, please direct your attention to another lady of the Asian variety, whose facial expression in this picture rather befits a Monday kind of mood (also motherfuckerness in general), wouldn’t you say?