Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: (c)han(n)uk(k)a(h), it's gonna be a punk rock hxmas, pickled livers, regret, unicorns
Dear readers, xmas is upon us, and my gingerbread heart is heavy. And not just because we overdid it with the rainbow M&M roof decorations. No, it’s just that each year, as everyone scrambles at the last minute to buy the perfect thing for every single person on their list, I can’t help but feel a little empty inside.
If “A Charlie Brown Christmas” or the greeting cards my mom sends me are any indication, xmas is supposed to be about peace, love, and Jesus; instead, it’s about iPads. Although I’m sure there’s some sort of Bible app available. But that’s besides the point! Frenzied, mindless consumerism pervades every aspect of this modern life. It’s depressing, you guys.
Filed under: Other Whimsy, Required Reading | Tags: CamBaloney, colin and i are friends on teh internetz, jersey love, party in the S-E-A, rainbows, surly lumps are not nice people, sweetness in seattle, the omf, unicorns, wix
S0 I was wandering through the streets of Capitol Hill one recent Saturday afternoon, trying to choose from one of the 18 coffee shops in my direct line of vision (a wannabe coffee snob: possibly the only thing worse than a real one), when a splash of bright pink in a store window caught my eye:
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: AOU, CamBaloney, pies in the sky, rainbows, the omf, unicorns, wix
So here’s a somewhat disappointing follow-up to my previous post. It would seem that the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck (BGICT)–the news of which whipped up a coneful of internet frenzy (with rainbow sprinkles on top) and inspired my new Big Gay Career Plan (BGCP)–is more elusive than a unicorn. And I don’t mean a unicorn in this blog (where you can see one in every paragraph if you look hard enough)–I mean a unicorn in the wild.
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: Ariel Levy doesn't even know I exist, lumpiness, pies in the sky, rainbows, unicorns
You may think that, for a directionless 24 year-old with a liberal arts degree and no marketable skills, a Career is nothing more than a pipe dream. A fantasy. A pie in the sky. Wishful thinking. (OK… I get the point!) Well, you’re probably right. But hey, you know what? If unicorns are real (which they are!), then maybe the idea of me joining the ranks of you Esteemed Professionals isn’t so far-fetched after all. (All I have to do is believe! And go to grad school. *sigh*)
Now, many of you devoted readers will remember one very soild career possibility that I discussed in this blog. And while I agree that the model/actor gig looks great on paper, let’s face it: in reality, any number of things could go wrong along the way. What if I became involved in a cocaine scandal? What if my TV success failed to translate to the big screen? What if I dated Kanye West, but people realized we were both each other’s beards, and then even our staged breakup couldn’t garner enough publicity to make my pictures start selling again? Huh? What then?
Furthermore, even if I did make it big, it’s not like I’d be set for life. I may be young and beautiful now, but what happens when I’m 30? I wouldn’t even be able to get my old job at Hooter’s back! I’d be ruined! You think I’d be able to Tweet myself back into cultural relevancy like MC Hammer did? Forget about it!
Whoa, OK. I need a Plan B–and I’m not talking about the pill. (Unless there’s some sort of “career pill” on the market now–I definitely need that. Whether or not it’s been evaluated by the FDA.) What I need is a list of potential professions. And so let’s ask ourselves: what could be a suitable Career for a lump like me?
Well I’m delighted, but not surprised. Anyone remember this little guy (last seen between the years of 1976 and 1998)?
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: beerz, burgs, fish tacos, gay marriage is all the rage, the virbs, uhaul, unicorns
- She lives in Charm City aka B-more, Lesboland
- She is gay married, which is all the rage.
- She is a beer snob.
- She loves crabs. And other seafood. Fish tacos, I’m sure.
- When dissatisfied with ground-level views, she perches in a tree.
- She was my housemate (until I had to suddenly uhaul away).
- She has a keen ear for my easy-to-miss muttered side-comments.
- She believes in unicorns.
- (My personal favorite:) She wrote about kburg’s “fiery eyes” in a now-legendary RSD post.