Ah, Regret.

I didn’t text you last night. TEQUILA texted you from my phone…

Oh my goodness, it’s been WAY too long.  My blogging fingers are getting fat!  (Alex: insert “finger” joke here.)  Time to give them a workout.  (More finger jokes!)

Speaking of fingers, sometimes our fingers do certain things when we’re drunk that we later regret.  Yeah, I don’t know what you were thinking, but I was referring to Texts From Last Night.  (Thanks Colin and all of you people who have the link on your MyFacePage/GTwitterChat/Thingamablogs.)  If you (somehow!) haven’t seen this site yet, you really need to take a look.

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The concept is brilliant: a forum in which one can immortalize one’s regrettable (presumably–hopefully?–drunk) text messages from the previous night.  Perfect!  Don’t prevent regret; let it happen, and then celebrate it!  Why does regret continue to have this stigma of being “shameful”?  Regret can be funny!  (You can post it on the internet to entertain all of your friends!)

For example:

Dear Tequila, No Regrets


Remember: Safe texting is no accident.
Thu, 7 August 2008, 4:09 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags:

While perusing my beloved local news sources, I recently stumbled upon this article:

ER docs: Don’t text and walk, skate — or cook

It seems that “in an alert issued this week, the American College of Emergency Physicians warns of the danger of […] serious accidents involving oblivious texters.” These accidents can occur when people text while “walking, biking, boating, and Rollerblading.” (Now if you’re like me you have often been tempted to text while Rollerblading, but next time you feel that desire I hope you will think of this post.)

And that’s not all! Apparently “a 15-year-old girl fell off her horse while texting,” and “a 13-year-old girl suffered belly, leg and arm burns after texting her boyfriend while cooking noodles.” That’s right, if you thought it was safe to text while riding horsies or cooking noodles, you were dead wrong.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that many of you guys are avid texters, but you probably have no idea of the dangers you face every time you pick up that phone. So for your safety and my peace of mind, I have compiled a list of other common activities that you should avoid while texting.

Don’t text while... (Possible consequences.)

…drinking. (Accidentally ordering a Zima, spilling on your shirt, drunk-TMing your ex-lover.)
…talking. (Starting to sound like Alex.)
…having sex. (Becoming pregnant, having butt sex, not noticing your partner is ugly/asleep/never going to be husband material!)
…playing softball. (Thinking that this is the perfect sport for TM-ing due to its complete lack of action, then getting hit by a softball [even though you are all the way in right field since you’re really hungover and don’t even like softball that much].)
…blogging. (NOt noticing teh typoz,, OR TEH CAPS LOCK)
…making major life decisions. (Suddenly moving to a city that starts with a B.)
…passing through bat country. (Stopping there.)
…inserting a metal object into an electrical socket. (Your phone malfunctioning, which means you’ll have to get a new one, which means you’ll have to collect everyone’s numbers all over again which is a huge pain in the ass.)

Feel free to print out this list and post it where everyone can see it. But for the love of god don’t text while using thumbtacks.