Ah, Regret.

What we learned this weekend
Mon, 13 October 2008, 12:43 pm
Filed under: Lezzie Celebs, Required Reading | Tags: , , ,

Connecticut has joined the United States of Sodom and Gomorrah!  Yay!  So that brings the count to a whopping… 3.  *sigh*

Betty White called Sarah Palin “one crazy bitch” lol!

Now that I’ve graduated from college I’m suddenly good at beer pong (high-altitude, at least).  Ah, regret.

And the best news of all… Lindsay Lohan loves leggings.


She can see New Jersey from her house.
Tue, 16 September 2008, 12:21 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , ,

As you(s) guys are now aware, I’ve been forced to give up my vice presidential dreams due to my guidette origins.  But although I may not be qualified to serve as second-in-command, I think I know someone who is.

Reasons Big Al would make a better VP than Sarah Palin

  • She’s not just a hockey MILF, she’s a hockey-playing MILF.
  • She only has three kids (not five), leaving ample time for VP activities.
  • Her eldest (only) daughter is not currently preggo (to my knowledge).
  • She hails from PA, that vast and unexplored final frontier (well, at least from NJ’s perspective). I bet they have tons of moose there.
  • I’m pretty sure she doesn’t think dinosaurs roamed the earth as little as 4,000 years ago.
  • She enjoys people of all races.
  • She loves teh gayz (especially me.  And lezzie hockey players).
  • She could be played by Amy Poehler on SNL.
  • I’m positive she could drink Palin under the table.
So Big Al, if you need a campaign manager look no further.  I can set you up with a presidential candidate (it doesn’t matter who, no one would care anyway) and get your vice-presidential-candidate blog up and running.  With a few clever Paint-altered photos we could lock in the blogosphere demographic.  Your shot-downing abilities would clinch the blue collar vote.  And we would easily get the hockey moms, the gays, and those swing-state Pennsylvanians.  So yeah, that’s pretty much everyone.
America, get ready for Big Al ’12… A MILF You Can Believe In!

I turn my back on pop culture for two seconds…

As much as I love to devote at least eight hours every weekday to staying on the forefront of super-important pop culture news, let’s face it: I have better things to do on the weekend.  And usually it’s not a huge deal to spend five extra minutes catching up on Monday morning.  

Well this particular Monday morning, upon reading the usual sources, I found myself feeling completely… whelmed.  (Not overwhelmed, not underwhelmed, just whelmed.)  So I’m going to try to sort out my feelings for a minute here.

  • Lindsay went on (another) politix-blogging spree.  Except this time it would appear that the post was co-written by Samantha (hmm… just trying to imagine what a Val/Erin post would look like.  Title: Erin Has a Big Gay Crush on Jennifer Garner.  I Do Not!  You Do Too.  Hmph!!! Hmph.).  Wow, a joint blog post.  They. Do. Everything. Together!!! But no need to be alarmed, this is just typical lesbian behavior, I’m told.  Anyway, Lindsay, I demand that you stop this political commentary and get back to what’s really important: telling Sam how much you love her, using secret cryptic abbreviations.
  • Speaking of Palin (since it’s impossible not to), Amy Poehler and Tina Fey (!!!) performed a damn funny skit on Saturday’s SNL.  We are talking Debbie-Downer-level funny, here.  I’m sure you’ve seen it by now.  If you haven’t, then for the love of god stop reading this and click the link.
  • (EDIT) Gay marriage is now legal has been legal in Norway since June, but happened in a church for the first time.  (Good news for Gro and Katja ? if they care about god as much as handball, I suppose) I’m sure god will smite the Norwegians any day now, and when he does, I’ll be filled with relief that the U.S. hasn’t adpoted similarly evil legislation.
  • Paint-altered photos are now all the rage in the blogosphere.  I’m happy to take credit.
And on that note…

Slowly abandoning my dream of becoming the first Jersey Girl veep… *sigh*
Fri, 12 September 2008, 2:38 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , ,

From “Misery Loves Democrats“, NYT op-ed columnist Gail Collins’ attempt to soothe the many Dems who have become agitated by Palinpalooza (which has recently besieged all forms of media, including the one you’re reading right now):

But the vice president isn’t supposed to get any attention, and all people can talk about is Palin, Palin, Palin!

True. I think that’s because she’s from Alaska. It’s got that frontier aura that we’ve missed since all the cowboy television series were canceled a generation ago. Plus, it gives us the opportunity to talk a lot about moose, which are a funny animal no matter how you slice it. If Palin had been a deer-hunting mom from New Jersey, John McCain would have gotten no post-convention bump whatsoever.

Oh come on, America!  Is this really true?  Because last I heard…

Case in point.

Case in point.

Bizarre-est. Week. Ever.
Fri, 5 September 2008, 11:21 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , ,

(+) We can now talk about “Lindsay Lohan” and “political commentary” in the same sentence.

(-) Tween pregnancy and marriage (and living happily ever after!!!!) have somehow replaced gay marriage as “all the rage”.  (How am I supposed to jump on THAT bandwagon?!)

On Motherhood
Fri, 5 September 2008, 10:29 am
Filed under: Gchatterbox, Required Reading | Tags: , ,
Heather: I just watched Bridge to Terabithia, which features a small boy in (emotional) peril, and i SOBBED
me: i’m sure you did!
Heather: i’m getting worse in my old age
i think i’m ready to bear small boys of my own
me: ew
Heather: maternal instinct is not GROSS
me: oh.
Jamie Lynn: omg she is 23 years old and doesnt even have a 8 babys yet!! that sux
Bristol: i know rite!!! n dont even get me started on teh gay one lol
Jamie Lynn: lol ew
Bristol: btw thx 4 the cute burp cloths!!
Jamie Lynn: yw!!! im glad we r bffs now
Bristol: ya me 2!!!! we can do mom stuff 2gether lol
Jamie Lynn: omg i no!! liek for our 21st bdays we could go 2 chuckie cheese with our 4 yearold kids n stuf!!!
Bristol: omg ya i cant wait

Celebloggers: They’re Just Like Us!
Thu, 4 September 2008, 4:32 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , , ,

As you devoted Ah, Regret. readers know by now, some of my fave celebs happen to share my love of that great American pastime, blogging. As US Weekly would say, “They’re just like us!”  I mean they blog, we blog… clearly there are no differences between their lives and ours.  Imagine that.

Anyway, if you’re like me, you can’t help but be moved by the random thoughts and musings of these epic celebrity internet authors (hey, just because Lindsay didn’t go to real high school doesn’t mean she can’t write!).  

That’s why I’m unveling an all-new feature on this fine repository for celebrity-related crap, as well as other crap in general, that you like to read several times per day.  May I direct your attention to the left sidebar, about halfway down, underneath the Filing Cabinet and above Meet the Author.  That’s right: it’s the new Celebloggers section!


Now you can stay up-to-date on the bloggings of some VICs–Very Important Celebrities (read: too important to be in the VIP Lounge with the little people).  Currently I have three offerings for you guys, but if you know of any other good ones, feel free to give me a heads up.  And rest assured that I will continue to post highlights from these celeblogs just in case you don’t have quiiite as much time to devote to reading them as I perhaps do.

P.S. If you haven’t experienced the PalinDrome yet, please read it.  The entire thing.  And make sure to post a comment telling that moose-lovin’ MILF that she and Old Man McCain can count on your vote this November.