Ah, Regret.


Vallie & Vallia

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Where to begin?  Well, to paraphrase Eric B & Rakim (seems like a good starting point!), It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you / without a new blog to step to.

What?  Sometimes it’s just easier to say things in a song, OK?!  Anyway.  First of all, I have what I believe to be an excellent excuse for not having written in so long: I moved!  (That is, we–as in Erin [is easily outraged] and I–moved.)  That’s right, we said goodbye to Sunny Boulder and hello to Rain City–Seattle, here we are!  (Cue the sound of a thousand unicorns stampeding northwestward.)

Based on the Sad But True Story.



Still chasing rainbows

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'I love lesbians, but in the least d-bag way possible.'

This past weekend Denver was hosting some sort of rainbow-lovers’ festival.  And I <3 rainbows!!!!!  So I rounded up fellow ROYGBIV-ers Camby and Erin, and we hopped onto our unicorn and rode into the city to see what all the fuss was about.

Lez B friends.



It’s been a Week.

It’s been a rough week, Dear Readers.  But I know just the thing to cheer me up:  WHINING ABOUT IT IN MY BLOG!  (Oh, TEH CAPS LOCK is so cathartic.  I’m feeling better already!)

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god I love to complain.



“The L Word” 6×08: Dear Jenny, No Regrets

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If you’ve read any of my “L Word” posts to date,  then first of all, you deserve some kind of award.  But more to the point, you probably already have a pretty good idea of what I’m going to say about the finale.  I’m probably going to use words like “phew!”, “relieved”, and “thank god that’s over”.  And I’ll admit that, up until this week, I probably would have agreed with you.  But now that the “Last Word” has been spoken, as it were, it turns out both you and I were wrong.  It turns out that, now that it’s all over, the last words I have for this show are “disappointed” and “sad”.

“Disappointed” as in, “I’m not angry, Ilene…  just disappointed.”  (You know how much worse that is!)  For five years, “The L Word” was the only show in town. So, as you can imagine, lesbians were filled with high hopes (and a lot of other feelings) for it.  And for a few seasons, things went pretty well (huge exception:  Dana’s death–which Ilene supposedly regrets, HA).  Like other TV shows, it had its share of annoyingly outrageous plot lines, but overall it was exciting to see a bunch of lesbians (just like us!  Sort of.)  living, loving, laughing, and all of those other l’s.  But by the time Season Five rolled around, the grumblings were getting louder.  Jenny was becoming unbearably bitchy/crazy.  Adele was even worse.  Shane still couldn’t hold on to a girlfriend for more than five minutes.   The dialogue seemed poorly written (maybe it always was, and we were just now noticing?).  Dana was still dead.  Etc.  Etc.

Sadly, the worst was yet to come.  As soon as the first rumors of Season Six’s “murder-mystery” theme hit the internetz, I realized that this series was about to carry on for one season too long.  In Season Five, the filming of Lez Girls (essentially a movie about the show, contained within it) brought the show to the brink of cheesiness: it was a gimmicky plot device, yet its bizarreness was actually kind of interesting–entertaining, at the very least.  But Season Six–the Max pregnancy, the show’s LBD, the “Who killed Jenny?” crap–now that was just a mockery.  

To paraphrase Alex, was Ilene even trying?  “The L Word” used to be meaningful, at times funny, and–for the most part–enjoyable.  It used to be respectable not just as a TV show about lesbians, but as a TV show period.  But now, I can’t help but feel a sense of loss–and it’s not so much over Jenny’s death (well OK, maybe a little–I kind of liked her in Season Five!) or the show’s end (although that’s certainly sad–especially considering the astounding lack of any other lesbian shows on television right now, five years later).  What really makes me sad is the show’s loss of dignity.  And that’s the one thing that could prove even harder to get over than Dana’s death.  (Like Marge Simpson would say, I’m a woman.  I can hold on to it forever.)

And now, only one question remains:  which will we miss less, that unbearable theme song, or these unbearably long recaps?

Here’s a little something to help you decide.



“The L Word” 6×07: Lost Opportunity

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OK, good news/bad news time.  Good news:  Compared to last week’s cringefest, 6×07 was Emmy-worthy.  (Which really, really isn’t saying much.  But still.)  Bad news:  The amount of sexual activity on this show is still right on par with that of an actual lesbian.  (Yes–“The L Word” has LBD.  I mean, I know we’re going on five years, but come on.  It’s a drama series, not a reality show!)

And now, let’s have a moment of silence for an opportunity that was tragically lost in this episode:  Bette–played by Jennifer Beals, as you know–was involved in a dance competition.  So um… WHY DIDN’T BETTE DO THE FLASHDANCE DANCE?!  It would have salvaged the entire season, for god’s sake!  So would anything involving Kelly Wentworth and caffeine pills!  Or even one decent sex scene!  Is that really so much to ask?

OK,  you see that?  I always get too worked up during the introduction.  How am I ever going to get through this entire thing?  How are you ever going to?  Who will be the last reader standing?

PUSH IT!

First, when there’s nothing…



Kanye isn’t gay, he just really loves lesbos

Um OK so, this is interesting.  Remember Kanye West, America’s straightest man?  Well, my beloved AE is reporting that he is rumored to be dating… a lesbian!  Her name is Amber Rose, and as for her purported sexuality… well, let’s have a look, shall we?

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Uh yeah, even Erin’s gaydar is going off right now.  What is this, some sort of double-beard scheme?  I don’t know what to make of it.  I know that in “Stronger” he said “I’d do anything for a blonde dyke”, but keep in mind that this is coming from a rapper whose lyrics only occasionally make any sort of sense.

Maybe they really are in a relationship, and it was their love of rainbows that brought them together.  Or maybe when Amber said “I’m gay” Kanye thought she was just saying that she’s dope.  But listen Cambpell (and any other confused/hopeful parties), I’m sorry but the moral of this story is NOT that dykes like to give blowjobs.  (Jenny won’t even eat oysters for god’s sake.)



“The L Word” 6×06: “L Word” Intolerant

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(You’d think that all lesbians, by default, have the enzyme that enables the digestion of “The L Word” Season Six.  Well, either I’m lacking said enzyme, or it just doesn’t exist.  But I’m hoping beer will perform a lactaid-like function.)

I know I say this every week, but this episode really was the worst one yet.  I swear!  I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever actually begged Bondy to fast-forward through a scene before.  Yeesh.

One realization I had after sitting through this particularly painful episode was that up until now, I had really been taking the show’s gratuitous sex scenes for granted.  But now I truly understand that they are not in fact “gratuitous”.  They serve a very important purpose, which–as any straight man could tell you–is to make even the most excruciating “L Word” episodes at least remotely watchable.

That’s right: this week’s episode did not include any hot girl-on-girl action whatsoever.  Well OK, technically it had one “sex scene” (Tasha jackhammering Alice on the sofa), but it was so far from “hot” that I really can’t count it.  Another sex scene almost happened (Shane and Niki having an artsy darkroom encounter) but alas, Shane’s untimely barfing fit put a quick–not to mention completely gross–stop to that one.

On a side note, this week’s viewing included special guest Campbell.  Previously, the only “L Word” episodes he had seen were from Seasons One and Two.  (Needless to say he was not only disgusted, but also shocked to see Shenny happening.)  And so the question remains: why would he ever want to ruin that by watching this season?  Is he a dedicated lezbro, or just a fool (like the rest of us)?  It’s hard to say.  But now he has no excuse not to read this entire post and leave a relevant comment!  Looking forward to it, bud.

Fish Tacos!!