Ah, Regret.


Kanye isn’t gay, he just really loves lesbos

Um OK so, this is interesting.  Remember Kanye West, America’s straightest man?  Well, my beloved AE is reporting that he is rumored to be dating… a lesbian!  Her name is Amber Rose, and as for her purported sexuality… well, let’s have a look, shall we?

kanye_amber

Uh yeah, even Erin’s gaydar is going off right now.  What is this, some sort of double-beard scheme?  I don’t know what to make of it.  I know that in “Stronger” he said “I’d do anything for a blonde dyke”, but keep in mind that this is coming from a rapper whose lyrics only occasionally make any sort of sense.

Maybe they really are in a relationship, and it was their love of rainbows that brought them together.  Or maybe when Amber said “I’m gay” Kanye thought she was just saying that she’s dope.  But listen Cambpell (and any other confused/hopeful parties), I’m sorry but the moral of this story is NOT that dykes like to give blowjobs.  (Jenny won’t even eat oysters for god’s sake.)

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“The L Word” 6×06: “L Word” Intolerant

spotted

(You’d think that all lesbians, by default, have the enzyme that enables the digestion of “The L Word” Season Six.  Well, either I’m lacking said enzyme, or it just doesn’t exist.  But I’m hoping beer will perform a lactaid-like function.)

I know I say this every week, but this episode really was the worst one yet.  I swear!  I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever actually begged Bondy to fast-forward through a scene before.  Yeesh.

One realization I had after sitting through this particularly painful episode was that up until now, I had really been taking the show’s gratuitous sex scenes for granted.  But now I truly understand that they are not in fact “gratuitous”.  They serve a very important purpose, which–as any straight man could tell you–is to make even the most excruciating “L Word” episodes at least remotely watchable.

That’s right: this week’s episode did not include any hot girl-on-girl action whatsoever.  Well OK, technically it had one “sex scene” (Tasha jackhammering Alice on the sofa), but it was so far from “hot” that I really can’t count it.  Another sex scene almost happened (Shane and Niki having an artsy darkroom encounter) but alas, Shane’s untimely barfing fit put a quick–not to mention completely gross–stop to that one.

On a side note, this week’s viewing included special guest Campbell.  Previously, the only “L Word” episodes he had seen were from Seasons One and Two.  (Needless to say he was not only disgusted, but also shocked to see Shenny happening.)  And so the question remains: why would he ever want to ruin that by watching this season?  Is he a dedicated lezbro, or just a fool (like the rest of us)?  It’s hard to say.  But now he has no excuse not to read this entire post and leave a relevant comment!  Looking forward to it, bud.

Fish Tacos!!



We’re not gay…

…we just really love cake.

cake7

You’re probably wondering how we got it to look like that.  Well… we just touched it.  JK!!!!!  

Actually, Erin and I went through the extremely labor-intensive–yet gratifying, in a womanly sort of way–process of “baking”.  Not my preferred method of creating foods (Measuring exact amounts!  Baking for exact times!  Wondering whether it’s “done” or not!  The perils of high-altitude baking!), but I think the results were worth the slavish hours spent in the kitchen.  And considering the fact that Erin was involved, I’m thanking my lucky stars that neither the cake nor the kitchen ended up in flames.

The recipe comes from surprisingly entertaining foodie blog The Omnomicon.  (Mad props to Virb for suggesting that I “make this cake and blog about it”.)  Now I’m not usually the type to read blogs about foodstuffs, but I have to admit that this one stands on its own as worthwhile reading material.  Case in point:  the author’s recommended occasions for serving the rainbow cake:

  • A child’s birthday
  • Your mom’s birthday
  • Coming out to your conservative parents
    • If you’re a lesbian, they’ll be thrilled that you won’t be forgoing your feminine kitchen duties.
    • If you’re the kind of gay dude who makes cakes for your parents, they were probably on to you anyway.

You’ll note that the original recipe is low in both fat and sugar.  Well, that just doesn’t sound like cake to me.  If I’m going to eat healthy cake, I might as well drink decaf coffee or the “reformulated” version of Sparks.  Besides, if god wanted cake to be healthy, he wouldn’t have created butter and sugar.  So in order to avoid blashpemy (and healthy eating), Erin and I modified the recipe to include heart-stopping (or in sugar’s case, quite the opposite) amounts of those ingredients.

Such a momentous cake-baking should not go un-photo-documented.  So allow me to walk you through our gay day in the kitchen:

Gake?



How the Dyke Stole Hxmas!

It has recently come to my attention (read: the office xmas tree just got assembled) that it is now officially that time of year known as “xmastime” (see Fig. 1 and Fig. 2).

[Fig. 1] Everyone else (who isn't Jewish or whatnot) at xmastime.

Fig. 1: Everyone else (who isn't Jewish or whatnot) at xmastime.

grinch

Fig. 2: Me at xmastime.

Get the picture?

A loooot more grinchiness.