Ah, Regret.


CakeSpy: Lump-Tested, Unicorn-Approved

S0 I was wandering through the streets of Capitol Hill one recent Saturday afternoon, trying to choose from one of the 18 coffee shops in my direct line of vision (a wannabe coffee snob: possibly the only thing worse than a real one), when a splash of bright pink in a store window caught my eye:

Fig. 1: Spotted.

Surly meets sweet.

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Is Gaga obsolete?
Wed, 4 November 2009, 9:53 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , ,

Vodpod videos no longer available.

(From “Friday Night with Jonathan Ross” on BBC One, 10/30/2009.  Thanks Campbell Tim.)

As Campbell said, “Who the fuck needs Lady Gaga now?”  Well actually, I do–at least until Christopher Walken starts doing this:

exploding_boobs



Still chasing rainbows

DSCN0499

'I love lesbians, but in the least d-bag way possible.'

This past weekend Denver was hosting some sort of rainbow-lovers’ festival.  And I <3 rainbows!!!!!  So I rounded up fellow ROYGBIV-ers Camby and Erin, and we hopped onto our unicorn and rode into the city to see what all the fuss was about.

Lez B friends.



Update: BGICT = TITC (Trapped in the Closet)?
Mon, 29 June 2009, 2:40 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , , , , ,

milkcarton

So here’s a somewhat disappointing follow-up to my previous post.  It would seem that the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck (BGICT)–the news of which whipped up a coneful of internet frenzy (with rainbow sprinkles on top) and inspired my new Big Gay Career Plan (BGCP)–is more elusive than a unicorn.  And I don’t mean a unicorn in this blog (where you can see one in every paragraph if you look hard enough)–I mean a unicorn in the wild.

The Big Gay Saga (BGS) continues.



Everybody loves a Jersey Boy
Thu, 4 June 2009, 2:15 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , ,

cambaloney

Faithful readers, you know this man.  But you may not recognize him, because the last time you saw him, his ratio of facial hair to hair-on-head was reversed.  However, you can rest assured that, regardless of his hair situation, Campbell aka C Man aka CamBaloney (whoops, was that last one supposed to stay between you and your mom?) is still the lezbro–New Jersey born and bred!–we all know and love.

Therefore, I am pleased to announce that our dear friend, who once turned up his nose at the mere mention of the so-called blogosphere, has just become its newest and most enthusiastic member!  That’s right, our beloved lezbro–who has dubbed himself Less Annoying Than Guy Fieri (note to my foodie readers: I’m sorry, but I did have to google that name)–is going to use our era’s finest form of publication to regale us (in a manner that is, presumably, less than unbearably annoying) with tales of life, love, and–most important–food!

So after a long night of drinking Heinekens and scamming on hot skanks at the dance club, head on over to the blog that’s open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week, complete with a surly waitstaff that’s always available to offer you a cup of lukewarm coffee–or to just ignore you completely until the second you get up to walk out of the *$&@!# place.  Jersey style (<3).



It’s been a Week.

It’s been a rough week, Dear Readers.  But I know just the thing to cheer me up:  WHINING ABOUT IT IN MY BLOG!  (Oh, TEH CAPS LOCK is so cathartic.  I’m feeling better already!)

o_trail

god I love to complain.



Dykey Old Men
Wed, 25 March 2009, 8:38 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , , ,

So.  Here at unicorn central, we’ve talked about old lesbians, and we’ve talked about men who (reeeallylove lesbians, but there’s one fascinating demographic we have yet to discuss:  men who look like old lesbians.  

What?  Well… it’s just one of those things that you have to see for yourself.  From Cracked.com, here is a list of The Top 25 Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.  (It’s like a much harsher-on-the-eyes version of AfterEllen.com’s Top 10 Lesbian-ish Men.)

First of all, a note to my, um, mature lesbian readers.  Ladies, this post is NOT about you!  I think you’re very pretty, and you’re not even that old.  So don’t get cranky.  Let’s see that youthful smile!  That youthful sense of humor!

And lezbros, don’t you get all upset either–just because you hang out with us all the time doesn’t mean you’ll start looking like us one day (exception: Figure 1).  It just means that, at some point, you will suddenly realize that your manly stoicism has been replaced by the constant urge to barf feelings all over the place.  (This is perfectly normal.  Just grab a box of tissues and an ice cream cake and wait for it to pass.)

Fig. 1

Fig. 1: The Exception.

Now let’s talk about the list.  First of all, I find it hilarious, despite the nagging feeling that I should somehow feel offended by it.  But then again, having read my girlfriend Ariel Levy’s New Yorker article about the Van Dykes–a group of radical, REAL lesbians who probably wouldn’t hesitate to punch me in the face if they saw this blog post–I already know that I’m a poor excuse for a lesbian.  So I’ll just suppress my guilt about that and hold on to it forever.  (Ah, regret.)

Moving right along.  You may have noticed that my beloved current state of residence, the big C-O, got a few shoutouts on the list.  That’s right–apparently I’m living in some sort of paradise for old lesbians.  (You know, now that I think about it, I probably should have realized this earlier–I mean, Colorado is home to comfortable-footwear companies (Crocs), organic grocers (Wild Oats Market), and a place called Beaver Creek.)  Let’s take a look:

 

#22.  Robert Redford

He Is:

Actor. Director.

Looks Like:

The head of Women’s Studies at Community College of Denver.

 

#15. John Denver

He Was:

Singer. Country boy. Aviator.

Looks Like:

The founder of Colorado’s first Lesbian Games, a non-competitive Olympics guaranteeing “participation trophies” for all entrants.

 

Nice.  Also, I am horrified/amused to note that the author of this list, Keith Mays–a “pioneer in the field of men who look like old lesbians”–has an entire blog devoted to this subject.  Wow, this guy sure is dedicated.  But he’d better not show up in Colorado anytime soon–old dykes aren’t exactly known for their sense of humor.