Ah, Regret.


50 Cent Does Not Like My Blog

50_gay

Ah… hello? *taps microphone* Is this thing on? Greetings, dear readers–it’s me, your long-lost blogger. Wait, do I still have any readers? Or is it just the two people who ended up here by googling “regret lesbian blog”? All right then, you two.  Let’s get started.

I realize that my posts are appearing at an alarmingly sporadic rate these days, and for this I apologize. My goal is to get back to posting on a sort-of-weekly basis (if I ever did!), as opposed to this maaaybe-monthly-if-you’re-lucky schedule I seem to be following right now. And if you think that’s an empty promise, then I applaud your pessimism: as a wise man once said, people like us are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised, not like those foolish, decidedly un-lumpy optimists. At any rate, I will most likely put forth the effort to post more, if for no other reason than to keep Brendan off suicide watch.

So for today’s post, I thought we could do a little round-up of noteworthy (read: gay and/or hilarious) news from around the internetz.  Rest assured that I have only selected topics that are of the utmost importance, and whose extraordinary impact on our daily lives is undeniable.  Because that’s the award-winning brand of gritty, hard-hitting journalism you’ve come to expect from “regret lesbian blog”–er, I mean Ah, Regret.

All the regret that’s fit to print.

Advertisements


Here comes the Bad Humor truck
Tue, 16 June 2009, 11:55 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , , ,

lump_parachute

Let me just start out by saying that all credit for today’s post goes to Virb.  (She thinks of the topic so I don’t have to.  The rest of you readers, take note.)  My parents certainly owe Virb a debt of gratitude, because ever since I blogged about the colors of my (amazing technicolor) parachute, she has dedicated herself to the thankless task of discovering the perfect career choice for yours lumpily.  (I would try to think of ideas myself, but I just really don’t have the time.  I’ve been busy with… stuff.  cough.  smushmrinking.*)

As you may recall from the aforementioned post, for me the real question isn’t, “What color is your parachute?” (duh–rainbow.); it’s “What careers can someone with a gay parachute like yours successfully pursue (read: tolerate)?”  You may also recall that I did come up with a few promising leads, but, frustratingly, each of these–like all of the other career ideas ever postulated by me or anyone else–is ultimately going to end up getting thrown out for one reason or another (i.e. would require me to obtain a graduate degree, and/or work with people, and/or get up early, and/or put forth a great deal of effort…).

So you can see how, when it comes to figuring out a way to attain financial stability in a manner deemed socially acceptable for a college graduate with a middle-class socioeconomic background (*YAWN*–my memoirs should be riveting), Virb could very well be my only hope.  No pressure or anything!

My blog is becoming the job section of surlylump.craigslist.org.



Kanye isn’t gay, he just really loves fishsticks
Fri, 10 April 2009, 10:54 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , ,

The saga continues!  Wednesday night’s episode of “South Park” (thanks Brendan!) tackled one of the most pressing issues of our time: Kanye West’s sexuality.

kanye_gayfish

As usual, the way they got to it (Jimmy writes “the funniest joke of all time” [a joke about fishsticks], which becomes a national comedic phenomenon and is subsequently told to Kanye West in an interview, but he doesn’t get it, so he embarks on a desperate mission to solve it and ends up beating Carlos Mencia to death in the process because he took credit for the joke…) was utterly bizarre, but in the end it all worked out because a famous person got lambasted for obnoxious personality traits (in this case, an unbelievably gigantic ego coupled with homophobic undertones).

Let’s go to the videotape.



F.A.Q. (F-ing Annoying Questions)
margaret

This book cover could very well be based on a picture of me, circa 1995.

Why in god’s name has it been so long since your last post?

Let’s find out.



How the Dyke Stole Hxmas, Part III: Yes, Val-ginia, there is a Santa Claus

(You thought that said “vagina”, didn’t you!  Clearly you’ve been reading this blog too much.)  OK FINE people, I’ll admit it: thanks to your outpouring of xmas-y guest posts, comments, and gchats, it has recently come to my attention that I like more things about xmas than I originally thought I did.  

ho_ho_horrors

[Image: Chicago Tribune.  Mad props to Colin.]

It’s like that time Charlie Brown finally learned what xmas is all about. (Except I’m probably more of a Peppermint Patty.)  Anyway, let’s see what you guys came up with!

GRINCH’D!



What’s with today, today?

Brendan: you need to blog today damnit
p.s. drunken posts you regret later are acceptable and COMPLETELY appropriate

Heather: i’m riding my bike in the homecoming parade today

Shannon: cant you just get drunk at midnight
me: that’s what i did last night, and now i’m filled with regret.
Shannon: yeah you need to balance that out with a wholesome night of disney magic

Kayla: i’m assuming thingy isn’t a real word
me: it’s a real word!
Kayla: thingy is?
so thingie is spelled wrong?

Colin: can I have the link to your blog?
I don’t want to have google searches on my computer for “Regret lesbian blog”

Alexandra: are you interested in girls?



Belated Birthday Blog-Worthiness

OK so as you’re certainly aware, my birthday was eight days ago.  I’m a year older, surlier, and a whole lot gayer (“wiser” is up for debate).  But enough about how awesome I am.  The reason for this post is that some of the Internet-based birthday wishes I received were just too hilarious to keep to myself.  So, for your consideration, I present the following:

My Top 3 Blog-Worthy Bday Wishes

Click here for the list.