Ah, Regret.

Dr. Lumplove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blog
Mon, 28 July 2008, 10:30 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , , , ,

Let’s get started, then. I created this blog because Alex literally begged me to do it. And when Alex speaks, I listen*. You know why? Because she laughs at my fish taco jokes, every time. She doesn’t respond to them with a halfhearted “heh”, an eye roll, or a heavy sigh. I sure wish I could say the same for the rest of you.

Aside from all that, consider the following:

My Main Justifications for Starting a Blog

  • Everyone else is doing it. (SEE ALSO: My Main Justifications for Using Drugs and Alcohol and Being Gay)
  • I grew weary of using the comment section of Heather “The Sunset Lush” Stoner’s blog as my own personal blog-within-someone-else’s-blog. Say blog again (blog!).
  • My life interests you.
  • Surly lumps face many negative stereotypes, and I aim to prove them all true.
  • People want a blog that’s fresh, sassy, irreverent, fun. Something to make those long, dreary hours at work/home/grad school fly right by. A reason to get up in the morning. A reason to fall in love with the Internet all over again. Yes, dear reader, today is the first day of the rest of your life!
  • I need a place to paste hilarious excerpts of my gchats with Heather.

So I did it for Alex, I did it for Heather, and most important, I did it for my surly, lumpy self.

I warmly invite you to comment frequently and unabashedly on my posts, especially if you are drunk and/or Big Al (aka Heather’s mom).

That’s all for now. See you next time. And oh, if you wake up one morning/afternoon with your regret socks on, don’t forget to text me.

*Well… OK fine I admit it–usually when Alex speaks, in that rapid-fire jibber-jabbery way of hers, I initially struggle to comprehend what is being said. A minute or two later my eyes glaze over and my mind starts to wander, only to snap back to the present when her voice rises at the end of a sentence, followed by a pause and expectant glance, indicating that a question has perhaps been asked. I then start talking about something or other in hopes that it is relevant to the conversation. Note: this technique is much more difficult to pull off over the phone. Wait… what did you say? Alex is reading this? Oh… um, hi Alex! Had any good fish tacos lately? No? Too busy? How’s your knee? How you uh, how you comin’ on that novel you’re working on? Well, it was nice catching up, bye.