Ah, Regret.

Live from New York, it’s gayface!
Wed, 15 April 2009, 1:56 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , ,

Uh-oh.  I thought it was just a one-time thing, but it’s starting to become a bad habit.  Could this mean that I am now a fan of Zac Efron aka “Zef” aka “Zac what-the-EF-is-wRONg-with you”?!  More like, what-the-F-is-wrong-with-ME!  I have now dedicated two blog posts this gay-looking teen heartthrob.  I have seen High School Musical 3.  In the theater.  These seem like things a thirteen year-old straight girl (or Alex, or perhaps Shannon if she had a blog) would do.  Is this what I’ve become?


Yeesh.  This is unacceptable!  But I just can’t help it.  I tuned in to SNL on Saturday night, and who just happened to be hosting?  It was Zachary, of course.  (I didn’t know about it beforehand, I swear!)  When the show was over, I felt strangely compelled to write a blog post about it.  And so, with a farewell nod to my credibility–as a lesbian, and as a 24 year-old person–here it is:

I’ve lost all hope for myself.


An open ecard to my beloved readers
Fri, 13 February 2009, 10:11 am
Filed under: Open ecards | Tags: , ,

[a day early]

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Going down in a gay blaze of glory


“I’m going to need you to fill out a Witness Statement form,” said the fire detective.  Well, if I had a computer and a lot more time and energy, here’s what I would have written:

Just the facts, ma’am.

We need to talk.
Thu, 25 September 2008, 12:32 pm
Filed under: AE posts, Required Reading | Tags:

OK you guys, it’s time to come clean.  There’s something I’ve been keeping from you, but it just can’t go on any longer.  I really don’t know how to say this, but… I’m seeing another blog.  It is perhaps even gayer than this one(!).  And… I think we might have something.  Aw, hey, come on now!  Please don’t cry.  You knew what this was!  Ahhh, I’m sorry.  Listen, if it makes you feel any better, you were my first, so you’ll always have that special place in my heart.

Or… we could try an open relationship ?

Dear Readers, Lots of Regrets
Tue, 26 August 2008, 10:09 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , ,

Dear Faithful Readers,

I apologize for my less-than-prolific output in recent days. I offer you that age-old excuse, “work is busy”. I know, I know, I too thought that I had absolutely nothing to do at work and that’s why I have time to spend hours typing (and computer-drawing) about gay and/or other concerns. Distressingly, that is not the case this week.

As Brendan correctly pointed out this morning, I should be getting paid to blog full time. That way you people would never have to want for massive gay doses of internet hilarity. But alas, currently my only payment for this little gig is the smile that (I imagine) graces your lips and the rainbow that ( I imagine) glistens in your eye (perhaps just a reflection from your computer screen?) as you read each new gem.

I will try to squeeze out as many posts as I possibly can in the upcoming days, if you’ll bear with me. Or if that doesn’t work out, then Baby Unicorn, you blog in my absence! (Baby Unicorn: Just as soon as you explain to me how to type using hoofed feet and a single horn!)

Regretfully yours,

The Lump

P.S. In the mean time you might want to go back and read some of the comment strings on my blog posts, especially this one which has gotten quite epic lately. It will be like watching reruns, except better!

Are You There Heathie? It’s Me, surlylump.wordpress.com
Fri, 22 August 2008, 5:40 pm
Filed under: Gchatterbox, Required Reading | Tags: ,

[Perhaps some of you were wondering why Heather’s name hasn’t been popping up in any of my posts or comment sections lately?]

me: i dont facebook wall-post enough these days
i did a little bit this week
Heather: NOT TO ME!
me: my bad
you’ve hardly gchatted with me lately!
i forgot you existed
Heather: stop it valerie!
me: you’ve been distant!
are you seeing someone else ?!?!
Heather: i’ve been busy!
me: do you have another friend ?!!??!?!
Heather: i’ve been working late!
me: you are friendship cheating on me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heather: I LIKE BOYS!
me: who is she?
is she pretty?
Heather: i’ve found a nice, pretty, lesbian handball player to gchat with
i’m sorry you had to hear it like this
me: ugh, i knew it

[As of right now we are still trying to work things out, we’ll see how it goes though.]

An open ecard to Gordy (with regards to last night)
Fri, 1 August 2008, 11:15 am
Filed under: Open ecards | Tags: , , ,

…a self who can’t help but constantly bring up the topic of your friend-winning good looks, and who is also a belligerently sore loser at foosball. (Although you are a foosball shark, and you hustled me, and you know what I’m not over it!) Do you miss me already?