Ah, Regret.


I didn’t text you last night. TEQUILA texted you from my phone…

Oh my goodness, it’s been WAY too long.  My blogging fingers are getting fat!  (Alex: insert “finger” joke here.)  Time to give them a workout.  (More finger jokes!)

Speaking of fingers, sometimes our fingers do certain things when we’re drunk that we later regret.  Yeah, I don’t know what you were thinking, but I was referring to Texts From Last Night.  (Thanks Colin and all of you people who have the link on your MyFacePage/GTwitterChat/Thingamablogs.)  If you (somehow!) haven’t seen this site yet, you really need to take a look.

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txt_ecard

The concept is brilliant: a forum in which one can immortalize one’s regrettable (presumably–hopefully?–drunk) text messages from the previous night.  Perfect!  Don’t prevent regret; let it happen, and then celebrate it!  Why does regret continue to have this stigma of being “shameful”?  Regret can be funny!  (You can post it on the internet to entertain all of your friends!)

For example:

Dear Tequila, No Regrets



There’s a giant gay storm coming… (Is that why it’s snowing in Boulder right now?)
Fri, 17 April 2009, 11:51 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , ,

I’m sure you’ve already seen this video posted on Facebook, Twitter, gchat, or one of the fifteen other applications that comprise your interent social life, but juuust in case you haven’t, make sure you check it out.  Colbert really knows how to make subversiveness fun.

(Thanks Alex.  You may be running on Pacific Standard Time, but somehow you’re always Eastern Standard Time on top of things.  I’m in Mountain Standard Time, but I like to get up late.)

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Live from New York, it’s gayface!
Wed, 15 April 2009, 1:56 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , ,

Uh-oh.  I thought it was just a one-time thing, but it’s starting to become a bad habit.  Could this mean that I am now a fan of Zac Efron aka “Zef” aka “Zac what-the-EF-is-wRONg-with you”?!  More like, what-the-F-is-wrong-with-ME!  I have now dedicated two blog posts this gay-looking teen heartthrob.  I have seen High School Musical 3.  In the theater.  These seem like things a thirteen year-old straight girl (or Alex, or perhaps Shannon if she had a blog) would do.  Is this what I’ve become?

zef_fans

Yeesh.  This is unacceptable!  But I just can’t help it.  I tuned in to SNL on Saturday night, and who just happened to be hosting?  It was Zachary, of course.  (I didn’t know about it beforehand, I swear!)  When the show was over, I felt strangely compelled to write a blog post about it.  And so, with a farewell nod to my credibility–as a lesbian, and as a 24 year-old person–here it is:

I’ve lost all hope for myself.



“The L Word” 6×08: Dear Jenny, No Regrets

rip

If you’ve read any of my “L Word” posts to date,  then first of all, you deserve some kind of award.  But more to the point, you probably already have a pretty good idea of what I’m going to say about the finale.  I’m probably going to use words like “phew!”, “relieved”, and “thank god that’s over”.  And I’ll admit that, up until this week, I probably would have agreed with you.  But now that the “Last Word” has been spoken, as it were, it turns out both you and I were wrong.  It turns out that, now that it’s all over, the last words I have for this show are “disappointed” and “sad”.

“Disappointed” as in, “I’m not angry, Ilene…  just disappointed.”  (You know how much worse that is!)  For five years, “The L Word” was the only show in town. So, as you can imagine, lesbians were filled with high hopes (and a lot of other feelings) for it.  And for a few seasons, things went pretty well (huge exception:  Dana’s death–which Ilene supposedly regrets, HA).  Like other TV shows, it had its share of annoyingly outrageous plot lines, but overall it was exciting to see a bunch of lesbians (just like us!  Sort of.)  living, loving, laughing, and all of those other l’s.  But by the time Season Five rolled around, the grumblings were getting louder.  Jenny was becoming unbearably bitchy/crazy.  Adele was even worse.  Shane still couldn’t hold on to a girlfriend for more than five minutes.   The dialogue seemed poorly written (maybe it always was, and we were just now noticing?).  Dana was still dead.  Etc.  Etc.

Sadly, the worst was yet to come.  As soon as the first rumors of Season Six’s “murder-mystery” theme hit the internetz, I realized that this series was about to carry on for one season too long.  In Season Five, the filming of Lez Girls (essentially a movie about the show, contained within it) brought the show to the brink of cheesiness: it was a gimmicky plot device, yet its bizarreness was actually kind of interesting–entertaining, at the very least.  But Season Six–the Max pregnancy, the show’s LBD, the “Who killed Jenny?” crap–now that was just a mockery.  

To paraphrase Alex, was Ilene even trying?  “The L Word” used to be meaningful, at times funny, and–for the most part–enjoyable.  It used to be respectable not just as a TV show about lesbians, but as a TV show period.  But now, I can’t help but feel a sense of loss–and it’s not so much over Jenny’s death (well OK, maybe a little–I kind of liked her in Season Five!) or the show’s end (although that’s certainly sad–especially considering the astounding lack of any other lesbian shows on television right now, five years later).  What really makes me sad is the show’s loss of dignity.  And that’s the one thing that could prove even harder to get over than Dana’s death.  (Like Marge Simpson would say, I’m a woman.  I can hold on to it forever.)

And now, only one question remains:  which will we miss less, that unbearable theme song, or these unbearably long recaps?

Here’s a little something to help you decide.



“The L Word” 6×07: Lost Opportunity

reality

OK, good news/bad news time.  Good news:  Compared to last week’s cringefest, 6×07 was Emmy-worthy.  (Which really, really isn’t saying much.  But still.)  Bad news:  The amount of sexual activity on this show is still right on par with that of an actual lesbian.  (Yes–“The L Word” has LBD.  I mean, I know we’re going on five years, but come on.  It’s a drama series, not a reality show!)

And now, let’s have a moment of silence for an opportunity that was tragically lost in this episode:  Bette–played by Jennifer Beals, as you know–was involved in a dance competition.  So um… WHY DIDN’T BETTE DO THE FLASHDANCE DANCE?!  It would have salvaged the entire season, for god’s sake!  So would anything involving Kelly Wentworth and caffeine pills!  Or even one decent sex scene!  Is that really so much to ask?

OK,  you see that?  I always get too worked up during the introduction.  How am I ever going to get through this entire thing?  How are you ever going to?  Who will be the last reader standing?

PUSH IT!

First, when there’s nothing…



Kanye isn’t gay, he just really loves old school Nuggets jerseys

One of the main purposes–the main purpose, I daresay–of this blog is to barf rainbows all over your computer screen.  So, in that spirit, I’d like to pay tribute to my fellow rainbow-worshipping blogger, Kanye West.

sweater

Apparently Mr. West is gay.  Not gay as in “gay”, but gay as in “dope”.  I mean seriously, don’t get it twisted–he does not like dudes.  In fact, he has had sexual intercourse with many women, he’ll have you know.  But despite his unwavering heterosexuality, Kanye loves “gay”.  And, not one to keep his feelings all bottled up inside, the rapper–who has described himself as “the voice of this generation”–barfed a rainbow all over the latest issue of Details magazine (thanks Alex).

Blehhh!



Her life would suck without men
Wed, 4 February 2009, 11:11 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , ,

Original American Idol and pop-star-with-hilariously-titled-songs Kelly Clarkson has recently faced a barrage of blog-tag allegations that she “could so like girls”.  And so, like Lindsay Lohan before her, she  has made a statement rejecting the l-word label:

notgay

“I get that all the time,” she tells AOL’s pop culture news site, PopEater.com.“People are like, ‘Are you secretly a lesbian? Because I’d really love it.’ Lesbians tell it to me all the time […] I’m like, ‘I’m glad it works for you, and I wish I liked women like that […] but I happen to like boys.’”

But Kelly, why can’t you just give girls a chance?

“[I] could never be a lesbian. I would never want to date [someone like] myself, ever. I’m a crazy person. I need some kind of stable, quiet man.” 

Hmm, good point.  I don’t know of any “stable, quiet” lesbos.  Do you?

But anyway.  Are we buying this?  Somehow I just don’t find the “I like boys” line all that convincing.  (Apologies to those of you who have said it to me.  Keep trying.)  At any rate, I don’t see why she’s trying to fight it.  Being a lesbian is so hot right now!