Ah, Regret.


It’s about time I stood up for myself.
Fri, 3 June 2011, 7:38 pm
Filed under: Other Whimsy | Tags: , ,

And yes, I do bar mitzvahs.  Email me.

(The intro got a little bit cut off, but it was something to the effect of, “I just got back from the gym, and boy are my arms tired!”)



And for the lump on your list…
Tue, 21 December 2010, 12:37 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , , , ,

Dear readers, xmas is upon us, and my gingerbread heart is heavy.  And not just because we overdid it with the rainbow M&M roof decorations.  No, it’s just that each year, as everyone scrambles at the last minute to buy the perfect thing for every single person on their list, I can’t help but feel a little empty inside.

If “A Charlie Brown Christmas” or the greeting cards my mom sends me are any indication, xmas is supposed to be about peace, love, and Jesus; instead, it’s about iPads.  Although I’m sure there’s some sort of Bible app available.  But that’s besides the point!  Frenzied, mindless consumerism pervades every aspect of this modern life.  It’s depressing, you guys.

And, lo…



The Yuletide GAY.

OK, people (and by “people” I mean the three of you who googled “snooki hair bump” to find this blog), it’s xmastime, and that can mean only one thing: my gay little heart is bursting with a whole gingerbread house full of red and green (and the rest of Roy G. Biv) feelings.  Let’s eat.

Yum.



CakeSpy: Lump-Tested, Unicorn-Approved

S0 I was wandering through the streets of Capitol Hill one recent Saturday afternoon, trying to choose from one of the 18 coffee shops in my direct line of vision (a wannabe coffee snob: possibly the only thing worse than a real one), when a splash of bright pink in a store window caught my eye:

Fig. 1: Spotted.

Surly meets sweet.



I just found out I have a preexisting condition
Thu, 25 March 2010, 12:51 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: ,

…which means that I’m excited about two things:

1. Healthcare reform.  (Um it’s about TIME!  I think I speak for many of my fellow twenty-somethings when I say that filling one’s own cavities just isn’t as simple as eHow.com makes it out to be.)

2. A certain hour of television programming slated to air April 13th on Fox.  (Hint: it’s not “American Idol”!)

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Finally, an epic lesbian saga we can all enjoy
Fri, 12 March 2010, 11:24 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , ,

Everything Lady Gaga does has to be crazier and gayer than anything she’s ever done before.  But after viewing the music video for “Telephone” (featuring Beyoncé), I have to wonder: where the heck can she go from here?!  I mean aside from just exploding into a bunch of rainbows and fish tacos and giant weird sunglasses?  (Hm, that sounds like a music video version of my blog.  I wonder if she’s looking for a producer…?)

Anyway, just check this thing out, it’s insane.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

All I have to say is, “The L Word” would have been WAY more awesome if Gaga had been part of the production crew (not to mention cast).



Don’t call me Snooki: A REAL Jersey Girl sets the record (but not her hair… or sexuality) straight
Mon, 15 February 2010, 1:41 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: ,

Snookin' for love--or herpes.

I know, dear readers–you are not happy with me!  I wrote a series of critically acclaimed blog  posts and then abruptly vanished from the public eye, publishing new material with ever decreasing frequency and, eventually, not at all.  But here’s what I don’t understand: when I do this, everyone complains; meanwhile J.D. Salinger does the exact same thing and suddenly everyone is rushing to update their Facebook status about how great they think he is.  (So he wrote a book about teen angst, big deal.  I blog about Miley Cyrus, doesn’t that count for anything?!)

Anyway.  You’re probably wondering what pop cultural event of earth-shattering importance has managed to lure my fingers back to the home row keys.  No, Lindsay and Sam didn’t get back together (although Lindsay recently tweeted that Sam never physically abused her, which is um… heartwarming).  And no, Lady Gaga didn’t wear pants (in fact, she continues to wear things that one hesitates to even classify as  “clothing” ).

The event in question, dear readers, is called “Jersey Shore”, which is a television show that none of you could have possibly escaped knowing about by now.  But for the blissfully unaware, allow me to summarize:  In its latest addition to that brave new post-post-“Real World” world of reality television from which none of us is safe (the internet does have its downfalls),  MTV carefully selected eight vacuous, heavily tanned, vaguely Italian-looking twenty-somethings (aka guidos/guidettes) and placed them all together in a house in Seaside Heights, New Jersey, along with a hot tub and a lifetime supply of Jagermeister.  In conclusion, let’s just say that if any of the cast members weren’t already living with herpes, they are now!

New Jersey: Only the Tan Survive