Ah, Regret.


An open ecard to Shelley Su
Tue, 9 June 2009, 5:37 pm
Filed under: Open ecards | Tags: , , , ,

omf_bday_09

This ninth day of June marks a truly historic occasion: the birth of none other than the Original Motherfucker*.  And so, dear readers, won’t you raise your tequila glasses and join me in a toast to that pork belly-loving, chopstick-wielding, slideshow-making, graphic-tee-wearing, drunk-dialing Asian audiophile, SHELLEY SU!  Happy birthday!  And many motherfucking more…

 

 

 

*Because she just is.  Trust us.

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An open ecard to Heathie, from Major Tom
Mon, 9 March 2009, 2:47 pm
Filed under: Open ecards, Other Whimsy | Tags: , ,

oh_noez

 



An open ecard to my beloved readers
Fri, 13 February 2009, 10:11 am
Filed under: Open ecards | Tags: , ,

[a day early]

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Sara Palin, so hot right now
Wed, 3 September 2008, 4:20 pm
Filed under: Open ecards, Required Reading | Tags: , ,

The Sarah Palin saga… ohhh dear.  I never thought I would say this, but the presidential race is starting to amuse me more than the ongoing antics of (real or supposed) lesbian celebrities.  (FYI, I am not the only person around here who is unable to resist making Palin-related blog posts.)

Anyway, you guys know the story by now, but I’d still like to recap some fun facts.  (Let me take this opportunity to remind you that although at times these may sound like jokes, perhaps a result of my occasionally hyperbolic writing style, they are all actually 100% true.)

Sarah Palin Fun-Yet-Also-True (!) Facts

  • She loves to hunt, fish, and snowmobile.  
  • Her favorite meal is moose stew.
  • Her high school lesbian basketball skills earned her the nickname “Sarah Barracuda”.
  • She was first runner-up in the 1984 Miss Alaska beauty pageant.
  • She has a degree in journalism from the U. of Idaho.
  • She has five children.  Their unfortunate names (as reported by Maureen Dowd) are “Track (named after high school track meets), Bristol (after Bristol Bay where they did commercial fishing), Willow (after a community in Alaska), Piper (just a cool name) and Trig (Norse for ‘strength’).”
  • She is pro-life.  
  • Incidentally, 17 year-old Bristol was recently impregnated by a redneck high school ice hockey player (god I love myspace blogs).  Not only will she have the baby, but she will also marry the redneck boy.  This situation has been alternately termed “Broken-watergate” (Dowd), “Teen Prego Crisis” (National Enquirer), and “a very strong and highly publicized argument in favor of abortion” (yours truly).
  • She has a hilarious blog.  (OK OK, this particular fact is untrue, I just couldn’t help myself.)
Wow, good stuff, Palin.  We should hang out sometime.  By the way, here is an ecard for your future son-in-law, could you send it along for me?


An open ecard to everyone in belated celebration of Labor Day
Tue, 2 September 2008, 1:54 pm
Filed under: Open ecards, Required Reading | Tags: ,

After an illustrious Labor Day weekend, I’m sitting here at work instead of lying in bed. This does not please me. But the good news, faithful reader, is that my dismal mood has inspired me to send you an ecard.

That’s right. While I’ve slaved away (for over one month!) to create internet hilarity through gossip, gayness, hyperbole, half-truths, pseudo-news, silly cats, and photographs altered with MS Paint, what have you accomplished lately?

You’ve biked across the country, enrolled in grad school, successfully moved to a new city, gotten promoted at work, made tons of new friends, lost weight, gotten married, raised money for a good cause, finished that novel you’ve been working on, etc etc etc.

Well… great effort and all, but I still win.



An open birthday ecard to the Coug
Mon, 18 August 2008, 12:18 pm
Filed under: Lezzie Celebs, Open ecards | Tags: , ,

It is hard to believe you are only just now turning 21. You have the emotional maturity of a 25 year-old, at least. That’s even older than Erin. Anyway, you are on some sort of luxury cruise right now so I don’t even know if you’ll see this.

Come back soon from your luxurious vacation, and I will take you out on the town so that you can enjoy your very first taste of alcohol. (Time to get started on the downward spiral!)

Hugs, (cheek) kisses, and (supposedly platonic) bed-sharing,
Val

**Note** I am filing this post under Lezzie Celebs because the Coug is a lesbian celebrity with ladies all across the United States (and probably other countries, as well). If you are not one of them, don’t despair, she is always looking for more. Feel free to leave a comment with your phone number.



An open ecard to Hx
Wed, 13 August 2008, 2:27 pm
Filed under: Open ecards | Tags: , ,

I think it’s coming up one of these days. (This should also serve as a reminder for you, Big Al!)