Ah, Regret.


50 Cent Does Not Like My Blog

50_gay

Ah… hello? *taps microphone* Is this thing on? Greetings, dear readers–it’s me, your long-lost blogger. Wait, do I still have any readers? Or is it just the two people who ended up here by googling “regret lesbian blog”? All right then, you two.  Let’s get started.

I realize that my posts are appearing at an alarmingly sporadic rate these days, and for this I apologize. My goal is to get back to posting on a sort-of-weekly basis (if I ever did!), as opposed to this maaaybe-monthly-if-you’re-lucky schedule I seem to be following right now. And if you think that’s an empty promise, then I applaud your pessimism: as a wise man once said, people like us are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised, not like those foolish, decidedly un-lumpy optimists. At any rate, I will most likely put forth the effort to post more, if for no other reason than to keep Brendan off suicide watch.

So for today’s post, I thought we could do a little round-up of noteworthy (read: gay and/or hilarious) news from around the internetz.  Rest assured that I have only selected topics that are of the utmost importance, and whose extraordinary impact on our daily lives is undeniable.  Because that’s the award-winning brand of gritty, hard-hitting journalism you’ve come to expect from “regret lesbian blog”–er, I mean Ah, Regret.

miley_tweet

Miley Cyrus deletes her Twitter account :( :( (Thanks Virb.)  Ugh, I know right!  What was she thinking?  Apparently her new boyfriend, Liam Hensworth (whoever that is), told her to get rid of it.  Nick Jonas would have never done such a thing!  Incidentally, Miley was just voted “Worst Celebrity Influence of 2009” by some random internet poll.  And rightfully so:  the irresponsible tween idol has driven one of her fans to threaten to kill her own cat over this.  And I don’t blame her, I mean where else am I going to find gems of hard-earned wisdom like “@mileycyrus: Just ate an entire jar of Peanut Butter for breakfast! Yummy :)” and “@mileycyrus: What am I missing in my life???? Bangs.”  #mileycomeback, you know you’re feeling the regret on this one!

50 Cent states the obvious. During a radio interview, the rapper–or, “Vitamin Water investor”, whichever makes him more money–referred to Kanye West and Lady Gaga’s planned (but subsequently cancelled) Fame Kills Tour as “the gay tour”.  Really?  A tour featuring a gay fish and a muffin-bluffer is gay?  We had no idea.  Anyway, 50 later issued an extremely sincere apology in which he claimed to have “no issue with Lady Gaga. She makes great music.”  Um, no Mr. Cent, she does not make “great music”.  She makes mind-numblingly catchy music and never wears pants.  And dresses like this.  But hey, those are some of the very reasons she’s my number one role model in life besides Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen.  Speaking of which…

lily_pink

Lily Allen dresses up as, ahem, a pink triangle. ?!?!?! I guess we’ll all just have to draw our own conclusions on this one.

michelle_hula

Michelle Obama’s hips don’t lie. The first lady hit the White House lawn to try to inspire the fat children of our nation to move something other than their texting thumbs.  Apparently a bunch of lucky kids “got to skip rope, jump in a moon bounce and to hula hoop it up with the first lady. (Mrs. Obama is no slouch in the hula hoop department. On Wednesday, she powered through 142 swivels before her hula hoop hit the ground.)”  UH!  142 swivels!  How did these ungrateful brats get the invite?  Why not ME?!

“Gossip Girl” has been pretty gay lately. Chuck kissed a boy, and I sort of liked it, but I would strongly prefer that any future gay kisses take place between gal pals Serena and Blair (three words: Let. It. Happen!).  Unfortunately, however, I get the sinking feeling that the only hot lesbian action we’ll be seeing anytime soon is Dan “processing” his feelings with Vanessa, Rufus, or any other poor soul who gets within five feet of him.  (P.S. Alex, I really need you to get back to processing GG eps in your blog!)

sue_sylvester

…But “Glee” is still the best show on television. So if you still aren’t watching it, shame on you.  (And if I’m still not writing Glee-caps, shame on me.  Sigh.)  High School Musical 3 – cheesiness + Jane Lynch = EXCELLENCE IN PRIMETIME TELEVISION.  (See also: Entering Gleek-dom.)  Busy on Wednesday nights between 9 and 10 PM?  (You’re not.)  No problem–you can catch episodes on Hulu any time.  And for the true Gleeks out there, Sue Sylvester is on Twitter telling you why she’s a winner and you’re not (“@S_SylvesterGLEE: Contracted a wicked case of H1N1. You know how I’m going to fight it? Willpower.”).  Rachel and Kurt Glee-tweet as well.  (Thanks Brendan.)

That’s all for now, kiddos.  Leave me some love (read: criticism for not posting more often) in the comments.  Good night, and a regretful tomorrow.

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6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I once won a hula hoop contest…gay bar in Fort Collins, 1986. I’m pretty sure I could still take down Michelle even though she has muscles in her arms and I mostly just have a lot of cushion.

I think I can see how Roman Polanski thought the 13 year old was older than she was. Looking at Miley makes me understand this. I think to myself…I should probably go to jail.

I’m feeling regretful about wasting my time reading this blog so I think I’ll sign off and go watch 2 and a half men.

Comment by 70/30 Cent

Did I ever tell you how much I love your comments? Also, we really need to get working on your memoirs, I think they would be quite entertaining and informative reading for us baby dykes.

Comment by VallyO

I will write my memoirs. I’m going to start in the present and go backwards. Chapter 1 will be “January 2009 – When All Hell Broke Out”

Comment by 70/30 Cent

oh god ive missed you valley. sheer brilliance. and bangs, miley, really??? i need to keep up my google reader better. forgive me.

Comment by alex

and pS. did i tell you i was gaga for halloween? and i did NOT wear pants.

Comment by alex

Um NO you did not tell me! That rules, I demand pics !!!

Comment by VallyO




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