Ah, Regret.


It’s been a Week.

It’s been a rough week, Dear Readers.  But I know just the thing to cheer me up:  WHINING ABOUT IT IN MY BLOG!  (Oh, TEH CAPS LOCK is so cathartic.  I’m feeling better already!)

o_trail

  • First of all, *cough* I’m sick.  (Boo, you whore!)  Diagnosis: STREP THROAT (Swine Flu would have been a LOT cooler).  Um… wtf!  Who gets strep throat anymore?  Jesus christ, I might as well have scarlet fever!  Typoid!  Cholera!  It must be the GRUELING pace of my life!  There’s never any TIME!  My fucking oxen died!  Oh Independence, Missouri…why did we ever leave you.  *sigh*
  • I feel like I got a little off-track there.  So let’s bring the focus back to my debilitating ailment.  In that spirit, I’d like to provide you, Curious Reader, with a detailed list of my symptoms.
  • My throat hurts.  Real bad.  And not in the “Gosh, my throat’s feeling scratchy today!  Anyone have a cough drop?” sense.  It’s more like, “My FUCKING throat is ON FIRE and I haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep since MONDAY.  GIVE ME HYDROCODONE.  NOW!!!”
  • I’m so congested that I can’t even talk right.  Seriously–I sound like a drunken furby.  “MEE Ah sOUp PLeE ewuhhh…?” (“Erin, could you please prepare me some soup for lunch?”)
  • Speaking of soup, all I’ve eaten for the past several days is… SOUP.  Oh, and NO ALCOHOL.  Now don’t get me wrong–soup is great and all.  It’s just that if I’m going to be on an all-liquid diet, I would prefer that the menu include BEER and TEQUILA.
  • My lymph nodes have swollen to the size of softballs, aka I HAVE A FAT NECK.  And long past is the season during which I could have tastefully hidden this with a scarf or turtleneck sweater!
  • OK fine, I will move on.  My next complaint is that Campbell won’t stop making blowjob jokes.  Campbell!  You are a lezbro!  It is your sworn duty to stick to fish taco humor.  Try to keep that in mind.
  • Last night I went to the video store to rent a movie.  As the clerk was ringing me up he said, “Your account has a $3.50 late charge for Showgirls.”  If you’ve ever seen that masterpiece of modern cinema, you’ll understand why the entire store started laughing at me.
  • The pilot episode of “Glee” (a new show widely described on the internetz as some sort of cross between High School Musical and “Freaks and Geeks”) aired on Tuesday night.  I thought it was awesome–but that could just be because I’m a huge sucker for anything involving Jane Lynch (Wischnia!).  But anyway, my one complaint here is that…
Vodpod videos no longer available.
  • …the rest of the season isn’t airing till the fall !!!

OK, back to the Trail (anyone else get the sense that I wouldn’t have lasted five minutes on the actual OT?).

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5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

way to work ‘mean girls’ into your post

Comment by mandy

hehe, maybe you can borrow a neck-slimming bandanna from the pork.

Comment by Erin

I’m going to start putting gold stars after my name on everything i sign.

Comment by Brendan

You know what could work, some raw oysters just sliding down your throat,, reminds me of something else…

Comment by Campbell

I’m going to send you a free case of soup, compliments of Campbell’s. You HAVE been eating only Campbell’s, right?????

Comment by Cat




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