Ah, Regret.


“You must introduce your cubicle mate to the spectrum…”
Fri, 3 April 2009, 2:09 pm
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: , ,

lron_gothic

From “THE SEXUALLY FLUID PERSON’S GUIDE TO A SEAMLESSLY UNEVENTFUL COMING OUT.”

By Amy York Rubin

[Read the whole thing.  Seriously.]

Given that you are sexually fluid and defy all constraints on your sexuality identity, you do not want to come out. This is because the nature of your fluidity is such that you are not in any defined space to come out of. Instead, you exist on a barely identifiable spectrum, caught between your messy world of deconstructed social constructs and the other world that exists outside your head: the world where you make your money, the very money you used to go to that private college that got you into this mess in the first place. So, since you’re so big on deconstructing, let’s get busy.

  • Potential for awkwardness when using the interent to divulge sexuality (I won’t name names!): check.

Don’t explain your sexual identity to [your hetero cubicle mate] via any form of instant electronic communication, even if you’ve turned off the notification that lets her know when you’re typing and deleting and rephrasing and retyping again. (And if you haven’t turned off that notification, believe me, you should.)

  • Seducing straight girls: check.

That tipsy girl who keeps touching your arm at your friend’s whiskey party looks like she knows something is up. Unfortunately, she went to a state school, so she doesn’t know that she knows something is up. You have to be careful here. If you even remotely verbalize what she doesn’t know she knows, she’ll walk away.

In conclusion,  I wish I wrote this.  (I need a humorous/gay article in a literary publication to get Ariel to know I exist!)

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