Ah, Regret.

F.A.Q. (F-ing Annoying Questions)

This book cover could very well be based on a picture of me, circa 1995.

Why in god’s name has it been so long since your last post?

Brendan, I’m so, so sorry. Please allow me to explain. As many of you are aware, I blog exclusively from work since I spend up to eight hours per day sitting in front of a computer with a conveniently unmonitored internet connection.  However, the comfortingly mind-numbing monotony of my job was recently disrupted with two little words: “We’re moving!”

So this was one of those good news/bad news things.  Good news: bigger office!  More space, better desks, other office-y upgrades for which I was, with some effort, barely able to feign the expected levels of excitement in the presence of coworkers.  Bad news: guess whose job description apparently includes “doing absolutely everything having to do with an office move (because no one else feels like it), under circumstances of minimal guidance and maximum potential for blame from supervisors”?

Lowlights included packing and unpacking the supply closet (why do we have glow bracelets?), being expected to know where each item from the previous office space is now located (answer: you’d be better off asking one of the office plants where your crap is), and as you can well imagine, being torn away from my precious internet connection for hours at a time in order to complete innumerable moving-related tasks (in one’s wildest dreams, one couldn’t imagine there being so many).  

It’s not that I shy away from physical labor (where’d you get that idea?); it’s more that I shy away from not having a computer screen in front of my face at all times during blogging–er, I mean working hours.

OK fine, I’ll let it go this time.  But I’m going to take you off my Google Reader if you don’t shape up.

Nooooo.  Anything but that.

So how was your xmas?

(Here’s a fun fact: this question inspired the title of this post.)  Which is more stressful–air travel or family?  Luckily, with xmas I don’t have to choose!  On a more positive note, my presents this year included pink snowflake pajamas and a floral patterned silk scarf.  Who says my family doesn’t know me that well?

What did you do for New Year’s?

I’m glad you asked.  New Year’s Eve is one of my favorite holidays because it presents the opportunity to brood over an entire year’s worth of regret.  And New Year’s Day isn’t too bad either, because more often than not the previous night’s festivities have already produced Regret #1 (and #2, #3, etc.) for the year.

Anyway, this year I went on a snowshoeing trip up in the mountains with Erin, because we are gay Boulder hippies (you know this). 

Any New Year’s resolutions?

Absolutely not.

What’s new with your good friend Heather?

She just got a crackberry aka blackberry.  Why, you ask?  I think the real question is, why not?

Well now that you mention it, I… don’t really see why she shouldn’t have one.

Just think, she could be using it to read this very post!  To comment, even!

Just out of curiosity, did your weekend happen to involve, literally, a blaze of glory?

Yes as a matter of fact it did, but that deserves a post all its own.  Stay tuned.

Do the chickens have large talons?

Do they have what?

Large talons.

I don’t understand a word you just said.

OK, this is a two-part question–

Ohh no you don’t.

I have a question that wasn’t addressed in this F.A.Q.

Ah, regret.


8 Comments so far
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now what’s this about blazes of glory?

Comment by iwentwest

i’m glad you were able to work the fact that heather now has a blackberry into this post.

Comment by Erin

whew. i’m happy you’re back!

Comment by originalmf

Heather told me that she is also planning to get one of those bluetooth headsets so she can be more productive at her corporate job.

Comment by Colin

She’s an inspiration to us all.

Comment by VallyO

I have a burning desire to hear about your most recent weekend. Let me know if you need photos.

Comment by Bondy

I hate you and I hate Colin. I hope you two are very happy together.

Sent from my corporate bullshit crackberry

Comment by hx

You love/hate us. And we will live happily ever after on the internetz

Comment by VallyO

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