Ah, Regret.

Erin (is Rachel Maddow)?

Lesbos love Rachel Maddow.  In fact, if you’ve ever perused AfterEllen.com, you’d think she was the new lesbian messiah (sorry, Ellen).  I have to confess that I never watched “The Rachel Maddow Show” until Sunday night (which is distressing, because I try to leave no lesbian stereotype unproven).  Luckily Bondy–that pioneer of uhauling–is hip to the Maddow madness and got me to watch it.

My impressions:  Maddow is cheesy but lovable (let the backlash begin!).  I think she should hire me to be a commentator on her show.  I could make a stream of snide remarks to help offset the cheesiness.  On the other hand–as evidenced by my brief yet illlustrious employment at AfterEllen.com–angry lesbians love her (and Gwyneth Paltrow?!?! Someone please explain this one to me sometime.), but they do not love me (explain this, too!).  So perhaps her agent won’t be calling my agent anytime soon.

Anyway.  Yesterday Alex sent me a link to this charming little NYT Magazine profile of Ms. Maddow.  I fully expected to find out that Maddow is just as lovable and down-to-earth as her AE-filtered image suggests.  What I did not expect to discover was that Rachel Maddow has a lot in common with… Erin?!

Now we all know that like Maddow, Erin is–despite her frequent outrage and general pugnacity–lovable.  But if you think that’s where the similarities end, you’re wrong.  Not convinced?  Look no further than the following point-by-point comparison.

Rachel & Erin: Cut from the Same Cloth (Probably Flannel)

More in common than a love of button-down shirts?

More in common than a love of button-down shirts?

[Maddow’s] 190-mile commute: It’s an opportunity for me to turn my brain off. My apartment in New York is only 275 square feet. So just being able to stretch out is great.

There was a time in Erin’s life when she commuted from Baltimore to DC.  It may not have been 190 miles, but the traffic probably made it seem like 800 or more.   But she didn’t turn her brain off, she just filled it with traffic-related outrage.  So um… it was not great.

Concession to vanity: I’ve had to get contact lenses. I only put them in while I’m on TV. They are a miracle device that allows me to be on TV without glasses, which everyone tells me I can’t wear on TV.

Erin was recently made to get decent-looking glasses, because everyone told her she couldn’t wear her old glasses anywhere.

Favorite item in house: The house mostly reflects Susan’s style, but I have to put my stamp on things. Once, I found a sculpture of a big, fat squirrel holding a reflector. You’re supposed to put it at the end of your driveway. We have it near the kitchen table; it’s the house mascot.

The house mostly reflects my style, but Erin has to put her stamp on things.  Once she found a set of coat hooks shaped like a big, fat dinosaur.  You’re supposed to hang it on the wall.  It’s sitting on a shelf somewhere until Erin affixes it to the wall while I’m not home, hoping I don’t notice it.  Which I will (eventually)!

Obsolete item she won’t part with: I have a little stockpile of lawn mowers, some of which it has been years since they worked. But it seems wrong to get rid of lawn mowers, so I keep them.

Erin has a huge stockpile of obsolete items she won’t part with.  To name a few: stereos, computers, a rock tumbler, a slushie machine, a 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit.

Evening routine: Susan cooks dinner; I make drinks. We stay up all night talking or watching movies. Since we don’t have TV, we watch movies on the laptop. I do this whole arcane thing where I get cords and connect the laptop and the speakers to an outlet. It takes 10 minutes.

Erin loves to “get cords and connect the laptop and the speakers to an outlet” in the living room.  It does take 10 minutes, but she likes to have the subwoofer hooked up for watching those GG episodes and SNL clips.

Clothing item a talk-show host needs: For me, it is sneakers, which I can wear 80 percent of the time, secretly behind the desk. That reminds me who I am, even though I am dressed up like an assistant principal in order to meet the minimum dress code for being on television.

Erin likes to wear sneakers, but probably only 40 percent of the time (the other 60 percent is for her Topsiders aka boat shoes).  She does wear her Puma slip-on sneakers to work as much as possible, even though she wears khakis in order to meet the minimum dress code for her engineering office.

She drives: I have a seven-year-old Ford pickup. Remember, I have to go to the dump.

Erin drives a seven-year-old Toyota Tacoma, TRD (Toyota Racing for Dykes) edition.  Remember, she has to go to the junkyard to look at rusty auto parts.

Superstitions: Tons. A handkerchief can never be put in another pocket after it has been in one pocket. I don’t walk under ladders. I have items of clothing that are lucky for me. That rotates, but I am luck-oriented.

Tons.  Have you seen how many bracelets Erin has on her wrist (many of which are simply thick rubber bands)?  Or her outfit for playing ultimate, which must include the following: an old-timey Eagles hat worn backwards over a shirtsleeve on her head; a brightly colored long-sleeved cotton t-shirt worn under her jersey (in any kind of weather); a sweatband worn low on her left wrist; thick wool crew socks (again, regardless of weather); and red, green, and white Puma cleats (aka “the Christmas cleats”).

Favorite recent gift: A very old friend of mine gave me a fishing pole. I’d done a little fishing as a kid. Now, I have started fishing in the rivers around my house. I have my Massachusetts fishing license in my wallet and my pole in the shed.

Erin has her Colorado fishing license in her wallet and her pole in the garage.

Favorite place to shop: Not applicable. I don’t shop.

Same.  (Unless you count the auto parts store.)

Nagging injury: A hurt shoulder from playing high-school volleyball. I can’t raise my right arm above my head while bearing weight.

Erin has various nagging injuries (some revealed to me and some not, I’m sure) for which she rarely if ever seeks medical treatment.  Perhaps the most exciting one is her sternum, which she cracked twice and continues to expose to further cracking via laying out in ultimate frisbee games.


6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

you seem to have forgotten that i have long luxurious hair while this rachel maddow certainly does not.

Comment by Erin

That’s true, you’re so girly!

Comment by VallyO

this post = brilliant.

erin = such a celebrity.

Comment by iwentwest

i read that article! little did i know i was getting to know erin, by proxy.

Comment by thegirlworks

[…] finally, what the heck does a “lesbian dream” entail?  Talking about feelings with Rachel Maddow?  Winning the Softball World […]

Pingback by Lily Allen is fucking hilarious « Ah, Regret.

omg — why don’t i read your blog regularly !

this is soo true ! why haven’t i made the connection before ??

did you hear how Rachel was the lawn boy for her future partner and that’s how they got together ?? hahaha. oh how a girl loves someone who does their chores for them… remember when erin constructed your desk ?

Comment by slb

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: