Ah, Regret.

Dear Gmail team, Regret is your friend!
Wed, 8 October 2008, 11:13 am
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: ,

I am very displeased to have to report this news.  It’s about the Gmail team.  Normally I love them because a) they brought me Gmail; and b) they brought me Gchat.  Also they are constantly working on novel ways to improve those applications.  However, the latest development to come out of the Gmail Labs is… a monster.  Why?  Because with the launch of this new Gmail feature, the Gmail team is trying to come between me and my beloved regret!

It’s called Mail Goggles (cute, you drunks!), and its mission is to prevent me, the Gmail user, from drunk-emailing, then waking up in my regret socks/pants/belt and becoming filled with increasing amounts of regret as the day wears on.  Well, maybe it can’t prevent the whole socks thing.  But anyway.  Here’s an excerpt from the offical description:

When you enable Mail Goggles, it will check that you’re really sure you want to send that late night Friday email. And what better way to check than by making you solve a few simple math problems after you click send to verify you’re in the right state of mind?

That is so clever!  But also infuriating.  Listen Gmail team, I am ALWAYS “in the right state of mind” for regret.  Didn’t you know that some of my warmest, most heartfelt emails/texts/wall posts/chats are sent while I’m under the influence?  And the next day’s regret is so… acute.  Ouch.

There’s no way I’m going to utilize a Gmail feature that could prevent me from experiencing the joys of regret.  And I know Heather isn’t going to, either!  The rest of you fools can do whatever you want, but believe me, after a few weekends devoid of email-related regret, you’ll realize how much you miss it.  And then you’ll be filled with regret.  So I guess then you’ll have more regret, but it won’t be enough!

Gmail team, take a look at my blog title.  Let it happen.


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[…] text messages from the previous night.  Perfect!  Don’t prevent regret; let it happen, and then celebrate it!  […]

Pingback by I didn’t text you last night. TEQUILA texted you from my phone… « Ah, Regret.

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