VallyO
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: AOU, CamBaloney, pies in the sky, rainbows, the omf, unicorns, wix
So here’s a somewhat disappointing follow-up to my previous post. It would seem that the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck (BGICT)–the news of which whipped up a coneful of internet frenzy (with rainbow sprinkles on top) and inspired my new Big Gay Career Plan (BGCP)–is more elusive than a unicorn. And I don’t mean a unicorn in this blog (where you can see one in every paragraph if you look hard enough)–I mean a unicorn in the wild.
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: Ariel Levy doesn't even know I exist, lumpiness, pies in the sky, rainbows, unicorns
You may think that, for a directionless 24 year-old with a liberal arts degree and no marketable skills, a Career is nothing more than a pipe dream. A fantasy. A pie in the sky. Wishful thinking. (OK… I get the point!) Well, you’re probably right. But hey, you know what? If unicorns are real (which they are!), then maybe the idea of me joining the ranks of you Esteemed Professionals isn’t so far-fetched after all. (All I have to do is believe! And go to grad school. *sigh*)
Now, many of you devoted readers will remember one very soild career possibility that I discussed in this blog. And while I agree that the model/actor gig looks great on paper, let’s face it: in reality, any number of things could go wrong along the way. What if I became involved in a cocaine scandal? What if my TV success failed to translate to the big screen? What if I dated Kanye West, but people realized we were both each other’s beards, and then even our staged breakup couldn’t garner enough publicity to make my pictures start selling again? Huh? What then?
Furthermore, even if I did make it big, it’s not like I’d be set for life. I may be young and beautiful now, but what happens when I’m 30? I wouldn’t even be able to get my old job at Hooter’s back! I’d be ruined! You think I’d be able to Tweet myself back into cultural relevancy like MC Hammer did? Forget about it!
Whoa, OK. I need a Plan B–and I’m not talking about the pill. (Unless there’s some sort of “career pill” on the market now–I definitely need that. Whether or not it’s been evaluated by the FDA.) What I need is a list of potential professions. And so let’s ask ourselves: what could be a suitable Career for a lump like me?
Apple Introduces Gayest Set of iPods Ever
Baby Unicorn: "I want all of them!!!"
Well I’m delighted, but not surprised. Anyone remember this little guy (last seen between the years of 1976 and 1998)?
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: beerz, burgs, fish tacos, gay marriage is all the rage, the virbs, uhaul, unicorns
(+)
- She lives in Charm City aka B-more, Lesboland
- She is gay married, which is all the rage.
- She is a beer snob.
- She loves crabs. And other seafood. Fish tacos, I’m sure.
- When dissatisfied with ground-level views, she perches in a tree.
- She was my housemate (until I had to suddenly uhaul away).
- She has a keen ear for my easy-to-miss muttered side-comments.
- She believes in unicorns.
- (My personal favorite:) She wrote about kburg’s “fiery eyes” in a now-legendary RSD post.
(-)
Filed under: Lezzie Celebs, Required Reading | Tags: a.chan, erin (is easily outraged), L. Ron, unicorns
I am jealous of this recent example (which was brought to my attention by Alex) of the whole L. Ron-blogging-and-commenting-about-how-much-they-love-each-other situation. But apparently blogging about the hotness of hot olympic ladies does not result in cheesy “I wuv you” comments from one’s special galpal (oops!).
So today I’m going to try something a little different, with the hopes that Cralder cheesiness is just as adorable/tolerable as its L. Ron equivalent (and if it’s not, I don’t care, so don’t bother commenting if that’s what you were going to say!).
Guess who loves you...
Baby Unicorn: blehhhh
[Click the image for its full glory. Brought to you by Wordle. Thank you Alex.]
Baby Unicorn, I told you blog isn’t good for you!
Baby Unicorn: But I was hungry!
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: apology not accepted, debbie downer, regret, unicorns
Dear Faithful Readers,
I apologize for my less-than-prolific output in recent days. I offer you that age-old excuse, “work is busy”. I know, I know, I too thought that I had absolutely nothing to do at work and that’s why I have time to spend hours typing (and computer-drawing) about gay and/or other concerns. Distressingly, that is not the case this week.
As Brendan correctly pointed out this morning, I should be getting paid to blog full time. That way you people would never have to want for massive gay doses of internet hilarity. But alas, currently my only payment for this little gig is the smile that (I imagine) graces your lips and the rainbow that ( I imagine) glistens in your eye (perhaps just a reflection from your computer screen?) as you read each new gem.
I will try to squeeze out as many posts as I possibly can in the upcoming days, if you’ll bear with me. Or if that doesn’t work out, then Baby Unicorn, you blog in my absence! (Baby Unicorn: Just as soon as you explain to me how to type using hoofed feet and a single horn!)
Regretfully yours,
The Lump
P.S. In the mean time you might want to go back and read some of the comment strings on my blog posts, especially this one which has gotten quite epic lately. It will be like watching reruns, except better!
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: a.chan, everything marie touches turns to gay, i'm awesome, lumpiness, spaghetti cat, the omf, unicorns
A Few Reasons My Blog Totally Rules
- It’s so humble!
- Exact figures have not yet been released, but early reports estimate that posting in it has more than halved my already underwhelming productivity levels at work.
- It’s one of the (many, apparently!) things that makes me gayer than Cat C. aka Gramps. (For those of you who don’t have the pleasure of knowing that Pioneer of Gay, let me put it this way: it’s kind of like saying Shelley is now gayer than Marie, or Lindsay is gayer than Ellen.)
- Spaghetti Cat!
- It gives Alex a forum in which to frantically post hilarious/incoherent comments. (Haven’t read all of them yet? You’re not getting the full surlylump blog experience. Go back right now and click the “comments” link on almost every post I’ve ever made.)
- Baby Unicorn: It makes people believe in me.
- It has the scientifically-proven ability to make people snort coffee out the nose.
- It makes you, dear reader, just a little bit gayer too.
Filed under: Lezzie Celebs, Required Reading | Tags: hot olympic ladies, unicorns
And I’m sure she’d agree that these Gro & Katja pics are really cute and need to be posted. (More apologies to you avid AfterEllen-ers.)
Don’t you just love sporty lesbian couples. (Baby Unicorn: Yes!)
