VallyOFiled under: Required Reading | Tags: debbie downer, hx, i have a lot of feelings, politix
Things that make me crack a genuine smile (not one of those smirk thingies I usually do):
1. Obama = President (!!!)
2. Heathie calling me last night in tears of (only sort-of-drunk) joy regarding #1.
<3333 !!!
Yeah, I actually lost my cynicism for a minute. Wow. America, I really… really didn’t think you had it in you. I’m still stunned. But you know what they say: the nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
Filed under: Gchatterbox, Required Reading | Tags: colin and i are friends on teh internetz, hx, i have a lot of feelings, politix, regret
[gchat excerpt from this morning]
Colin: are we going to get an election blog post through a lesbian lens?
me: hmm
i hate the election and i’m gay.
there’s the post.
OK people, calm down for just a minute and give me a chance to clarify that statement. It was one of those heat-of-the-moment things so perhaps it didn’t come out quite right. What I was really trying to say was, “I strongly dislike the number and frequency of harassing election-related phone calls (many robocalls, some real [college junior poly-sci major] people) I have received over the past several weeks due to being an unaffiliated voter in a swing state, and society may consider me gay, but I don’t like labels–there’s a spectrum, you know!”
Phew. I guess emotions are running high–or, for lesbos (and [including?] Hx), “higher than usual”–right now with all of this election anxiety. In case you were wondering, yes I did Barack the vote today (Colin: I was Biden my time waiting for you to tell me that). I know my vote doesn’t count (I don’t care what you say, Hx! Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean that. I do care what you say. Every vote counts. The audacity of hope. Obamarama.), but there’s no way I was going to miss out on the coveted “I Voted” sticker. If I get caught walking around town without that thing stuck to my shirt, a bunch of hippie college kids just might feel the need to beat some social consciousness into me with their bong.
Anyway. Back to the robocalls. The following is a list of the people (robots?) who have called me lately to tell me an important message (in no particular order): Michelle Obama, Barack Obama, Rudolph Giuliani(?!), John McCain. The following is a list of the people who have not called me lately to tell me an important message: Cindy McCain.
I know, right! What’s up with that? I would have thought that Cindy would have had an important message for me regarding prescription drug addiction, or starving orphans in India, or the loneliness of marriage or something. Well I have a message for you, Cindy: maybe if you’d taken the time to call me I would have voted differently. But it’s too late for that now! Listen Cindy, I’ve said this to your husband (and also to JoJo), and now I’ll say it to you: take a look at my blog title. You feeling a little bit like that right now? (Cindy: “We didn’t want your gay vote anyway.”)
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: politix, surly lumps are not nice people, the omf
“She held her own!’” ”She didn’t do too badly.”
OK am I SERIOUSLY hearing these statements with regards to Sarah Palin’s little performance last night?! I’ve always maintained that “Americans are so stupid,” but I thought this statement applied to neither a) myself [still true!]; or b) people I know and respect [still true???].
You guys. Palin did not “do pretty well.” Yes, she did manage to meet the unbelievably LOW expectations (just stand there, recite the script, and don’t say anything about dinosaurs) that were set for her. Yes, she did say “maverick” at least 18,000 times. Per minute. Yes, she did smile, look cute, and give a “shoutout” to an elementary school (?!?!?!!?). But do any of these things make her even remotely qualified to RUN THIS COUNTRY after McCain’s 72 year-old heart beats its final angry beat? First of all, I just threw up in my mouth. And secondly, NO!
The appropriate reaction to Palin’s appearance in the debate last night is a mixture of smug amusement, disbelief, outrage, nausea, sadness, and an overwhelming feeling of defeat combined with the urge to move to Canada for real, not just threaten it this time. So unless your comments are going to reflect the aforementioned sentiments, I suggest you go share them with someone who is not a very liberal, college-educated, condescending, crabby, pessimistic, easily outraged, snarky, surly, anti-stupidity-in-the-White-House elitist (i.e. ME).
I know I’ve poked fun at Palin numerous times in this blog, but the more I realize that most people in America don’t get the joke, the less I feel like joking around anymore.
Shelley, you were wrong. I didn’t need tequila in my nalgene last night; I need it today.
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: b-city, erin (is easily outraged), politix
Michelle Obama graced the City of Boulder with her presence yesterday, and there was no way I was going to miss the chance to see that hot mama in action! So Erin, a few of my coworkers, and I headed over to the University of Colorado campus to hear the woman preach.
Now keep in mind that not only every single CU student, but also every single resident of Boulder supports Barack Obama. Ever wonder why Colorado is a swing state? Boulder is why. You leave this town, and it’s red country, aka bat country. (McCain and Palin will be visiting the Centennial State this weekend, but I get the sense they won’t be stopping in B-city for a bike ride and some organic smoothies.)
Anyway, back to the main event. Michelle was of course lookin’ good and electrifying the crowd. (Seriously… she basically stepped up on the podium and said “CU make some nooooiiiise!” and noise was most certainly made.)
Photo courtesy of... me! I was there! Obamarama!!!
Since you couldn’t be there, allow me to provide you with some highlights from the speech:
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: big al, Palinpalooza, politix
As you(s) guys are now aware, I’ve been forced to give up my vice presidential dreams due to my guidette origins. But although I may not be qualified to serve as second-in-command, I think I know someone who is.
Reasons Big Al would make a better VP than Sarah Palin
- She’s not just a hockey MILF, she’s a hockey-playing MILF.
- She only has three kids (not five), leaving ample time for VP activities.
- Her eldest (only) daughter is not currently preggo (to my knowledge).
- She hails from PA, that vast and unexplored final frontier (well, at least from NJ’s perspective). I bet they have tons of moose there.
- I’m pretty sure she doesn’t think dinosaurs roamed the earth as little as 4,000 years ago.
- She enjoys people of all races.
- She loves teh gayz (especially me. And lezzie hockey players).
- She could be played by Amy Poehler on SNL.
- I’m positive she could drink Palin under the table.
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: hx, jersey love, Palinpalooza, politix
From “Misery Loves Democrats“, NYT op-ed columnist Gail Collins’ attempt to soothe the many Dems who have become agitated by Palinpalooza (which has recently besieged all forms of media, including the one you’re reading right now):
But the vice president isn’t supposed to get any attention, and all people can talk about is Palin, Palin, Palin!
True. I think that’s because she’s from Alaska. It’s got that frontier aura that we’ve missed since all the cowboy television series were canceled a generation ago. Plus, it gives us the opportunity to talk a lot about moose, which are a funny animal no matter how you slice it. If Palin had been a deer-hunting mom from New Jersey, John McCain would have gotten no post-convention bump whatsoever.
Oh come on, America! Is this really true? Because last I heard…
Case in point.
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: L. Ron, Palinpalooza, politix, tween moms
(+) We can now talk about “Lindsay Lohan” and “political commentary” in the same sentence.
(-) Tween pregnancy and marriage (and living happily ever after!!!!) have somehow replaced gay marriage as “all the rage”. (How am I supposed to jump on THAT bandwagon?!)
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: i can has cheezburger?, L. Ron, Palinpalooza, politix, teh internet pwns my lyfe
As you devoted Ah, Regret. readers know by now, some of my fave celebs happen to share my love of that great American pastime, blogging. As US Weekly would say, “They’re just like us!” I mean they blog, we blog… clearly there are no differences between their lives and ours. Imagine that.
Anyway, if you’re like me, you can’t help but be moved by the random thoughts and musings of these epic celebrity internet authors (hey, just because Lindsay didn’t go to real high school doesn’t mean she can’t write!).
That’s why I’m unveling an all-new feature on this fine repository for celebrity-related crap, as well as other crap in general, that you like to read several times per day. May I direct your attention to the left sidebar, about halfway down, underneath the Filing Cabinet and above Meet the Author. That’s right: it’s the new Celebloggers section!
Now you can stay up-to-date on the bloggings of some VICs–Very Important Celebrities (read: too important to be in the VIP Lounge with the little people). Currently I have three offerings for you guys, but if you know of any other good ones, feel free to give me a heads up. And rest assured that I will continue to post highlights from these celeblogs just in case you don’t have quiiite as much time to devote to reading them as I perhaps do.
P.S. If you haven’t experienced the PalinDrome yet, please read it. The entire thing. And make sure to post a comment telling that moose-lovin’ MILF that she and Old Man McCain can count on your vote this November.
Filed under: Open ecards, Required Reading | Tags: Palinpalooza, politix, tween moms
The Sarah Palin saga… ohhh dear. I never thought I would say this, but the presidential race is starting to amuse me more than the ongoing antics of (real or supposed) lesbian celebrities. (FYI, I am not the only person around here who is unable to resist making Palin-related blog posts.)
Anyway, you guys know the story by now, but I’d still like to recap some fun facts. (Let me take this opportunity to remind you that although at times these may sound like jokes, perhaps a result of my occasionally hyperbolic writing style, they are all actually 100% true.)
Sarah Palin Fun-Yet-Also-True (!) Facts
- She loves to hunt, fish, and snowmobile.
- Her favorite meal is moose stew.
- Her high school lesbian basketball skills earned her the nickname “Sarah Barracuda”.
- She was first runner-up in the 1984 Miss Alaska beauty pageant.
- She has a degree in journalism from the U. of Idaho.
- She has five children. Their unfortunate names (as reported by Maureen Dowd) are “Track (named after high school track meets), Bristol (after Bristol Bay where they did commercial fishing), Willow (after a community in Alaska), Piper (just a cool name) and Trig (Norse for ’strength’).”
- She is pro-life.
- Incidentally, 17 year-old Bristol was recently impregnated by a redneck high school ice hockey player (god I love myspace blogs). Not only will she have the baby, but she will also marry the redneck boy. This situation has been alternately termed “Broken-watergate” (Dowd), “Teen Prego Crisis” (National Enquirer), and “a very strong and highly publicized argument in favor of abortion” (yours truly).
- She has a hilarious blog. (OK OK, this particular fact is untrue, I just couldn’t help myself.)
