VallyOFiled under: Other Whimsy | Tags: I need a twelve-step program (for various reasons), L. Ron, tweet dreams
Because it produces exchanges like this one. Which blow my unhealthily-L.Ron-obsessed mind.
@TheEllenShow: On today’s show, Lindsay Lohan tells me the truth about her breakup with Samantha Ronson. http://bit.ly/yjnqG
@samantharonson: @TheEllenShow oooooh- oooooh- i wanna know!
@sevinnyne6126: @TheEllenShow tell me all the deets!
LOL!!!!!!!!
And to think that when Twitter first got popular I asked myself, “Why do I even need this thing?” The horror!
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: because they're lindsay and sam, gay marriage is all the rage, i have a lot of feelings, L. Ron
Reading the news (not just celeb gossip, but real news! And celeb gossip.) this week, I was on rollercoaster of emotion. How is that different from any other week in the life of a lesbian, you ask? Er… I guess it isn’t. However, I’m still going to highlight the ups and downs for you, so you’d better grab a box of tissues.
Bad-news-first style? OK. I write with a heavy heart that our beloved headline-grabbing, label-shunning, chain-smoking, DJ-ing, matching-tattoo-sporting, MySpace-blogging, after-after-Ellen couple, L.Ron, is a couple no more.
To be honest, this makes me sad. Regardless of what these two individuals are like as people, their relationship was actually pretty meaningful to today’s crop of baby dykes. When they started to show up in the tabloid headlines, not as “lesbian lovers” but more as just as two (extremely famous) people in love, it was as if their story had almost transcended the usual tabloid trash. Suddenly we weren’t just staring blankly at the glossies to kill time in the grocery line; we were witnessing some kind of cultural shift. It struck a chord. Maybe we even canned the cynical humor for just a second and started to reflect on some issues that are actually kind of important in our society.
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: Ariel Levy doesn't even know I exist, L. Ron, the spectrum
From “THE SEXUALLY FLUID PERSON’S GUIDE TO A SEAMLESSLY UNEVENTFUL COMING OUT.”
By Amy York Rubin
[Read the whole thing. Seriously.]
- “I don’t like labels, etc. etc.”: check.
Given that you are sexually fluid and defy all constraints on your sexuality identity, you do not want to come out. This is because the nature of your fluidity is such that you are not in any defined space to come out of. Instead, you exist on a barely identifiable spectrum, caught between your messy world of deconstructed social constructs and the other world that exists outside your head: the world where you make your money, the very money you used to go to that private college that got you into this mess in the first place. So, since you’re so big on deconstructing, let’s get busy.
- Potential for awkwardness when using the interent to divulge sexuality (I won’t name names!): check.
Don’t explain your sexual identity to [your hetero cubicle mate] via any form of instant electronic communication, even if you’ve turned off the notification that lets her know when you’re typing and deleting and rephrasing and retyping again. (And if you haven’t turned off that notification, believe me, you should.)
- Seducing straight girls: check.
That tipsy girl who keeps touching your arm at your friend’s whiskey party looks like she knows something is up. Unfortunately, she went to a state school, so she doesn’t know that she knows something is up. You have to be careful here. If you even remotely verbalize what she doesn’t know she knows, she’ll walk away.
In conclusion, I wish I wrote this. (I need a humorous/gay article in a literary publication to get Ariel to know I exist!)
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: a.chan, everything i touch or don't touch turns to gay, L. Ron, pop music
Original American Idol and pop-star-with-hilariously-titled-songs Kelly Clarkson has recently faced a barrage of blog-tag allegations that she “could so like girls”. And so, like Lindsay Lohan before her, she has made a statement rejecting the l-word label:
“I get that all the time,” she tells AOL’s pop culture news site, PopEater.com.“People are like, ‘Are you secretly a lesbian? Because I’d really love it.’ Lesbians tell it to me all the time [...] I’m like, ‘I’m glad it works for you, and I wish I liked women like that [...] but I happen to like boys.’”
But Kelly, why can’t you just give girls a chance?
“[I] could never be a lesbian. I would never want to date [someone like] myself, ever. I’m a crazy person. I need some kind of stable, quiet man.”
Hmm, good point. I don’t know of any “stable, quiet” lesbos. Do you?
But anyway. Are we buying this? Somehow I just don’t find the “I like boys” line all that convincing. (Apologies to those of you who have said it to me. Keep trying.) At any rate, I don’t see why she’s trying to fight it. Being a lesbian is so hot right now!
From Lindsay’s interview in Harper’s Bazaar:
Would she classify herself as bisexual? “Maybe. Yeah.” Lesbian? “No.”
She goes on, “I don’t want to classify myself. First of all, you never know what’s going to happen — tomorrow, in a month, a year from now, five years from now. I appreciate people, and it doesn’t matter who they are, and I feel blessed to be able to feel comfortable enough with myself that I can say that.”
Filed under: Lezzie Celebs, Required Reading | Tags: gay marriage is all the rage, hx, L. Ron, Palinpalooza
Connecticut has joined the United States of Sodom and Gomorrah! Yay! So that brings the count to a whopping… 3. *sigh*
Betty White called Sarah Palin “one crazy bitch” lol!
Now that I’ve graduated from college I’m suddenly good at beer pong (high-altitude, at least). Ah, regret.
And the best news of all… Lindsay Lohan loves leggings.
Filed under: Lezzie Celebs, Required Reading | Tags: i have a lot of feelings, L. Ron
So by now you’ve heard the totally awesome news: Lindsay dropped the bomb! Well actually, it wasn’t very bomb-like at all. It was more like a casual affirmation (non-denial?). But still a huge deal. I know I said it was cool with me if those two didn’t want to do any relationship-defining. But when I read the news today, I just couldn’t prevent this little smile-type thingy from cracking on my surly face.
Special thank you to Virb for emailing me about the news an hour before I even got in to work. It was a great, gay way to start my morning! (Stupid Mountain Standard Time difference. And poor Alex, another hour behind on breaking L. Ron news!) But anyway, the important thing is that we’re all caught up now, so we can gchat about it incessantly for the rest of the day (and for days to come).
Also I love this pic. I’ve been seeing it everywhere lately but I’m going to post it anyway. And I’m not even going to alter it with Paint, because those smiles say it all, and I have a lot of feelings today.
Filed under: Lezzie Celebs, Required Reading | Tags: a.chan, erin (is easily outraged), i have a lot of feelings, L. Ron
Lindsay Lohan and the New Definition of “Out” (Thanks Alex)
As you can clearly tell, blogging incessantly about L. Ron is both fun and hilarious. But it’s actually cool for another reason which I haven’t touched upon that much (except maybe with the Dunst quote): it’s positive media coverage of two women who live openly in a same-sex relationship, and don’t deny or hide it, but refuse to define it with words. For those of us who “don’t like labels” (which, yes, is a gay thing to say, but is also true) this is pretty meaningful.
“But Val, you love labels! Your blog is soooo gay.”
Filed under: Lezzie Celebs, Required Reading | Tags: a.chan, erin (is easily outraged), gay marriage is all the rage, L. Ron, No time! There's never any time!, Palinpalooza
As much as I love to devote at least eight hours every weekday to staying on the forefront of super-important pop culture news, let’s face it: I have better things to do on the weekend. And usually it’s not a huge deal to spend five extra minutes catching up on Monday morning.
Well this particular Monday morning, upon reading the usual sources, I found myself feeling completely… whelmed. (Not overwhelmed, not underwhelmed, just whelmed.) So I’m going to try to sort out my feelings for a minute here.
- Lindsay went on (another) politix-blogging spree. Except this time it would appear that the post was co-written by Samantha (hmm… just trying to imagine what a Val/Erin post would look like. Title: Erin Has a Big Gay Crush on Jennifer Garner. I Do Not! You Do Too. Hmph!!! Hmph.). Wow, a joint blog post. They. Do. Everything. Together!!! But no need to be alarmed, this is just typical lesbian behavior, I’m told. Anyway, Lindsay, I demand that you stop this political commentary and get back to what’s really important: telling Sam how much you love her, using secret cryptic abbreviations.
- Speaking of Palin (since it’s impossible not to), Amy Poehler and Tina Fey (!!!) performed a damn funny skit on Saturday’s SNL. We are talking Debbie-Downer-level funny, here. I’m sure you’ve seen it by now. If you haven’t, then for the love of god stop reading this and click the link.
- (EDIT) Gay marriage is now legal has been legal in Norway since June, but happened in a church for the first time. (Good news for Gro and Katja ? if they care about god as much as handball, I suppose) I’m sure god will smite the Norwegians any day now, and when he does, I’ll be filled with relief that the U.S. hasn’t adpoted similarly evil legislation.
- Paint-altered photos are now all the rage in the blogosphere. I’m happy to take credit.
