VallyO
Faithful readers, you know this man. But you may not recognize him, because the last time you saw him, his ratio of facial hair to hair-on-head was reversed. However, you can rest assured that, regardless of his hair situation, Campbell aka C Man aka CamBaloney (whoops, was that last one supposed to stay between you and your mom?) is still the lezbro–New Jersey born and bred!–we all know and love.
Therefore, I am pleased to announce that our dear friend, who once turned up his nose at the mere mention of the so-called blogosphere, has just become its newest and most enthusiastic member! That’s right, our beloved lezbro–who has dubbed himself Less Annoying Than Guy Fieri (note to my foodie readers: I’m sorry, but I did have to google that name)–is going to use our era’s finest form of publication to regale us (in a manner that is, presumably, less than unbearably annoying) with tales of life, love, and–most important–food!
So after a long night of drinking Heinekens and scamming on hot skanks at the dance club, head on over to the blog that’s open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week, complete with a surly waitstaff that’s always available to offer you a cup of lukewarm coffee–or to just ignore you completely until the second you get up to walk out of the *$&@!# place. Jersey style (<3).
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: hx, jersey love, Palinpalooza, politix
From “Misery Loves Democrats“, NYT op-ed columnist Gail Collins’ attempt to soothe the many Dems who have become agitated by Palinpalooza (which has recently besieged all forms of media, including the one you’re reading right now):
But the vice president isn’t supposed to get any attention, and all people can talk about is Palin, Palin, Palin!
True. I think that’s because she’s from Alaska. It’s got that frontier aura that we’ve missed since all the cowboy television series were canceled a generation ago. Plus, it gives us the opportunity to talk a lot about moose, which are a funny animal no matter how you slice it. If Palin had been a deer-hunting mom from New Jersey, John McCain would have gotten no post-convention bump whatsoever.
Oh come on, America! Is this really true? Because last I heard…
Case in point.
(Ugh more politix-related ranting?! This is the last one for today, I swear.)
Oh my word, NYT conservative columnist David Brooks sure has his panties in a bunch over some Bro who delivered a speech last night (perhaps you heard about it?). Now, despite the not-so-warm-and-fuzzy feelings that fill my heart when I encounter conservatives, I generally respect the guy for his (still not Dowd-level) writing abilities.
However, his latest column really made that respect falter, because honestly the tone and techniques that he employed would probably be more fitting for this ridiculous blog than for the New York Times Editorial Section.
Click here for the rest of my rant, trust me you won’t regret it.
Filed under: Required Reading | Tags: b-city, erin (is easily outraged), hx, jersey love, manifest destiny, rainbows, uhaul
If you are lucky enough to have read the lyrics to my upcoming hit single “I Kissed a Girl [Yet Another Version that is Not A Cover of the Original, but Totally Rules]“, you have become aware that my list of recent notable life events includes a dramatic cross-country (well not all the way across, but still a few times zones away) move, inspired by a certain blue-eyed lady.
So here I am, a Jersey Girl in Boulder, Colorado (a situation which is a lot less novel than I had hoped it would be, since it is apparently much more rare to find a native Coloradoan here than it is to find an East Coast transplant). You, dear reader, are from the East Coast, so you have a few questions.
So, how are you liking the good ol’ Midwest (snicker)?
I’m sure it’s great, but as you know Colorado is part of the Mountain Division of the West Region. We’re running on Mountain Standard Time here (that’s two hours behind Center of the Universe Time, excuse me, I mean Eastern Standard Time.)
Colorado, eh? I’ve been to/have a friend from Colorado Springs/Vail/Telluride.
While those are in fact cities/towns of Colorado, they are anywhere from two to six hours (driving) away from Boulder. (Denver is a mere 40 minutes southeast, however.)
Wait, you can drive for six hours and still be in the same state? No one ever told me that.
Believe it. And this is only the eighth-largest one.
What’s Boulder like? A bunch of crunchy hippies wearing Birks who smoke pot out on the lawn?
A: It’s more like a bunch of scuppies and rich college kids wearing Crocs (whose HQ is a short bike ride away from here) who keep their public pot-smoking to a minimum (er, except during the annual 4/20 Pot Smokeout). Here is a picture of this fine city.
What’s been going on around town lately?
Glad you asked. Here is a sampling of some recent local news headlines.
‘Bear wagon’ to make rounds in south Boulder
Former ‘Family Ties’ star Brian Bonsall remains a fugitive
Boulder teen charged in naked LSD Taser incident
Volunteers needed for daisy pull
Despite allure, leaping into Gross Reservoir illegal
Is Boulder Gayville?
It doesn’t rain much in Boulder, but when it does, it’s only for fifteen minutes and is often immediately followed by sunshine. Therefore, during my brief time here, I feel as if I’ve seen more rainbows than I did during my entire twenty-three years back East.
Do you ski a lot?
Nope, I’m too poor. Thank you for reminding me.
Winter must be pretty harsh out there, it’s always snowing.
A typical winter on the Front Range is mild, with frequent but light snowfall and a lot of sunshine. (Boulder has about as many sunny days per year as Miami.) Summer is also relatively comfortable, because although temperatures can reach the upper nineties, humidity remains around only 10%. So no more slushy winters or sticky summers, sadly.
You must be so outdoorsy now!
I do enjoy drinking out on the patio.
Do you eat a lot of organic food?
Nope, I’m too poor. Again, thanks for the reminder.
How come your tolerance for alcohol consumption and cardiovascular activity is so much higher than mine? I know you don’t drink or run anywhere near as much as I do.
High altitude training, my friend. It works for Olympic athletes, and it works for me.
I’m a Stoner with seasonal affective disorder who enjoys camping, music festivals, and cross-country bike rides. Should I move to Boulder?
No. But you should definitely visit every few months.
When are you moving back East?
Whenever I grow weary of clean air and mountain sunsets.
Stop hating on the East Coast.
I got nothin but love for yous guys. 908 in the Garden State! Jersey represent! NYC! Pennsyltucky! The District! Charm City! Delawhere? Where you at!
*makes some noise*
